Guess Who's Back!..PLUS...College Realities!

A very warm hello to all my readers (I am myself amazed at the usage of the term ‘all’ for the handful, and that too a toddler’s hand, who find time to read all this crap!). First all of all I’d like to extend my heartfelt gratitude to this very handful. I really appreciate you finding time to read all this and that too considering the fact that my blogging follows a periodic motion.

All those who know me would know what my blogging again means. You see, from times immemorial, events have been used to keep track of time. For example, when the sun is at such and such location in the sky, its such and such time, etc. Similarly, my blogging serves as a rather reliable clock (:P). "My blogging again signifies that I am totally jobless once again which happens every six months when my college vacations start and I, with the same hard to kill spirit, come for an internship only to find myself in yet another office in the day and a boring session in the evenings with nothing to do, except, well, bug all of you with all this!": This was the line that was supposed to be there in the post as I had initially typed it out, but then due to some technological screw ups i never could actualy post it. But don't worry, this re-attempt of mine at blogging also signifies my extreme boredome, except that I AM in college with a knee which is definitelyh not fine and is not even officially broken. Its a sucky Friday night and I've just finished watching "Billu Barber" (umm..ya whatever!).. the only outing I managed to have was to the orthopedist (remember the knee..cmon, you gotta follow the flow!) when the normal people who have a LIFE are out partying! :(

So well I Am Bored, and thus I shall bore you! hoo haa haa haa! Let's see now, what do I need to write about. Actually, there is this entire list of things I prepared in my head which I had to blog about, but bunk all that, I found something better (for the moment).

For all those kids out there who are not yet in college, here is a list of some of the most commonly spread myths about a college:

I) Expectations Related:

1) A college is supposed to have a culture of fun filled events! (phhoosshhh!, you are mistaken brother)
2) When I'm in college, my life will be rockin so let me drag along nicely through my school days! (hah! wishful thinking)
3) Colleges are supposed to be the way they are shown in Television (you better throw that box out right NOW!)

II) Academics Related:

1) Higher the GPA the more intelligent you are (yes yes, this is just to let everyone know that I accept that I might be a dumbass so dont push it in!)
2) Lower the GPA the less intelligent you are (this had to be mentioned separately..cmon, you know, for those who have a higher GPA to understand better...shhh)
3) Everything that I will read in a Law School will make sense (ha ha..no comments)
4) Teachers in a Law School are supposed to know everything about everything (definitely not)
5) Teachers in a Law School are supposed to know everything about their own bloody subject (surprised?.dont be)

III) Love- life related:

1) Peple who ae dating love each other.
2) More mportantly, people who are dating each other DO NOT love anyone else (get the hint!)
3) Assuming that people who are dating love each other, people fall in luv only once during at least their college life!
4) Every broken heart needs at least a month to heal!
5) There is a limit to the number of times one can fall in love.
5) Above all, good guys always get what they deserve ultimately!

IV) General People Related:

1) A vegetarian is someone who doesn't eat meat (Who said....umm..cough Divi cough)
2) If you're nice to everyone you will be called NICE and not DIPLOMATIC every single day!
3) If you're DIPLOMATIC you'll be called DIPLOMATIC and not NICE!
4) College level students are mature (the best one so far! ha ha ha ha!)

Now I can understand if not all of you agree with what I have written. But if you do, please do let me know. And if you do not agree with them and in your college these statements are actually true....till what age does your colleges accept applications?!?! ;)

Lap top?!..

I had noticed this thing earlier but it never incurred to me like this. So yesterday when I was just generally surfing the net in my typical way, keeping the lap top on my bed, after I was done as soon as I picked up ma laptop, I realized that it was burning hot at its fundament, so much so that even the bedsheet felt like it had been freshly ironed. And that is when it struck me. Aren't laptos supposed to be used on our laps?! So what is this, some sort of a cospiracy? I mean if they really ARE supposed to be kept on your lap, then howcome they are so damn hot at that very place which would be ON our laps. Do they wanna burn us or something? And that is when I realized that I have placed my pally at every possible place, the bed, the table, the ground, even haning mid air at times with the meagre support of my hands, but never on my lap!! Ironical, isnt it? But the interesting thing is, it seems as though it was made never to be placed on your lap. Reaons? Many. Firstly because my laptop one of those sad HP Pavilion notebooks who's screen won't bend beyond a certain level (which level, by the way, is rather uncomfortable) so its virtually impossibe to keep it on yor lap and look at the screen at the same time. It's like Heisenberg's uncertainity principle, either you can keep it on your lap OR you can look at the screen with full certainity, to be able to do both fully is IMPOSSIBLE. Secondly, the burning base. I mean I'm pretty sure that if I keep my so called 'lap'top on my lap for more than 5 minutes, I'd end up cautereizing (I like exaggeration, so please don't mind) my sexy thighs (see...exaggeration!). Thirdly, if one actually tries it, it is damn uncomfprtable to use the mouse-pad if the laptop is actuallt on your lap. You inevitably have to tilt the lappy to make the experience more comfy.

Hmm..I seriously wonder if lap tops were EVER meant to be placed on laps??!!

A pair of additional eyes, the newest member of my life....

Ever since I was in the 9th standard, I had been having these headaches which were very peculiar in their nature. So my dad, like a good concerned father, took me to the eye specialist thinking, like every one else does, that the most standard cause of a headache is a poor eyesight. The doctor after the test came to the conclusion that my eyesight was just fine. So I move on with my leave and so does he, and so do the headaches until recently I realized that their frequency has been ever-increasing. So finally after so many years I go to the doc two days ago, again and this time unfortunately he surrenders to the cosmological plan and breaks it to my parents that I need specs..I mean ME!! How? When? What the.....!! The sky seemed to collide on me! Poor me, unsuspecting, unaware of this destiny that I will have to wear specs some day. The doctor sensing my anxiety quickly said I think he more wanted to save me the embarrassment of yelling out in agony in front of the tens of patients waiting to be inspected), "Don't worry, its a very minute number and who knows, in an year or so it might even get reduced." I found solace in these words (though very little) and went home with a gloomy face. My parents bribed me with everything possible to make me smile. I of course, took all the bribes but decided still not to smile for some time till my sister called from abroad to tell him that specs are not hat big a deal and my mom lying without her fingers crossed that "I'm sure you'll look adorable in them!" So finally i managed to conjure up a smile and decided that if I'm getting something, I damn well be exited about it even if it is my ticket to chasmish-dome. So we all go to the opticians shop to buy a pair. And I must admit, he was a damn fine salesmen cos he simply refused to show anything simple (which in their language is bland or out of fashion) and wouldn't show anything reasonably priced. Cheap specs was a thing unknown to him it seemed. He kept insisting that my age requires fashion and kept coming up with "Nothing but the best for beta ji". He managed to blackmail my parents into proving their love for me by buying the best quality that he has. I of course intervened at this point and decided to go for something neither exorbitantly expensive nor something cheap. Finally I picked one. Have to go and collect it this evening. Hmm...but my mind has been on this for quite some time now. I try to evaluate my options, the pros and cons of this new a member of my life.

Pros:
1) Considering the way I look, anything that manages to shield the world from the torture of directly looking at me might help. So that solves my problem. And everyone who saw me creating a scene at the opticians shop, fussing over which pair to pick, said that I look really good in specs (though I somehow think that was only to make me get over with it quickly so that they all might get their chance with the shopkeeper). So there we go, hah! At least I look cute. On this my friend swordfishH (yep, dont forget the H lest you'll face her wrath) that if these specs are a part of my face for just one year I better trick a girl into becoming my GF cos as per her, with my natural looks, ints impossible (Damn you Sarkar! I look good ok. :P)

2) I sincerely believe that specs add to your intellectual look. So now people will see me as an intelligent, sophisticated and well behaved chap. I better start acting so though, you know, just to match up with the look).

3) Adding to the above point, somehow I've always felt that specs give you an authority and people tend to take you seriously. Hah! now mess with me!

I know what all I said above might not be absolutely true, but hey..let the kid have his peace.

Cons:
1) they suck! sob sob..ill have somthing hung on my face!!

2) The first few days are a pain. Why you ask? wel duh, firstly cos people do not so much as even try to refrain from bursting into fits of laughter on looking at you. Secondly, its not really a walk in the park to get accustomed to having something on your face. Thirdly, now i cant call others chasmish ever (not that i ever have, but I would have liked to have my options open).

3) Well, no more being mister "I can go around bumping into things", no more being clumsy..Because the moment I become clumsy and fall off or something, my specs mught just break.

4) Worst of all. One more thing to take care of. I mean what if I lose it or something like keep losing all my stationary.

5) They suck..oh sorry! did i already mention it! ;)

Times flying by....wheres my baby!?

So the other day I just realized that time is really flying by for me..I mean before I even know it I'll be 20 (sighh..there goes my Teenage!) and then one year from then and I'll be 21 (I know I know..you all know your Maths, but its for the effect), the legal age to get married or even adopt. The mention of this adopt thing has a very interesting reason to it. I mean don't you all just love babies! We all do! I toh for one have wanted a baby ever since I was a baby myself I think. They are the cutest things that ever crawled the Earth you know! But the problem is, I'm running out of time. I mean I've had zero relationships so far (not even so much as a fling), and the way things are going I'm apprehensive about being on my way to becoming that old Pantaloon who stays all by himself in a suburb and the neighbourhood kids come and ring his doorbell and then run away and he comes out and yells randomly at trees and dogs and birds...sigh! (Talk about having a bright future!).

And above all, how will I ever have a kid like this (I mean I know the HOW..umm..but with whom and when?), you know someone to call Junior (though I never would call him junior..its the worst name one could address their kid by)..So then I decided that in case I never find someone, I'll adopt. I only need to wait like an year and a half now to be of legal age to adopt.

But then how could the kid stay without a mother? A kid definitely needs a mother! So my second option was tricking someone to marry me and then having a kid. On this my friend K had a rather repulsive thing to say, "You mean you'll trick her, knock her off!!, and then desert her running away with the child". Of course not! Now that I have married her, I'd be loyal and stay with her and live the perfect life and all. The only difference is that my ultimate motive behind marrying her would have been the kid. Because if I start looking for someone from the simple perspective of marrying her, there are a zillion flaws which I manage to point out in every single girl I've ever seen. Once I change my perspective (you know from "I want a wife" to "Now I just want a mother for my child") the only thing that I'll have to look for is a perfect gene pool. She doesn't have to be perfect anymore (unlike when I think from the "I want a wife" perspective), she just has to be a gene pool which includes great looks, high moral tone, smart, good to talk to, talented (at least as much as I am), intelligent (again..beat me at least!), sound medical history, etc. etc., which is Almost Perfect, but hey! What the hell, at least I've come down from perfect to the almost.

Theres one more reason why the sooner I have a kid, the better it is! You see, I want to give my kid the maximum time, the maximum luxury, the maximum happiness and above all, the best upbringing, you know with perfect morals and all (those who know me well would know). Now for that I need to be able to give them my best till the time they are old enough to look after themselves. So if I do not have one by the time I'm 30, I'll be 50 when they're just 20. I would be old, but they would still be not fit to cater to themselves (ask me, I'm almost 20, I know! 20 is definitely not the age when one feels ready to take care of himself). How is that ever gonna work out?! (Panic!) So that leaves me with only 10 years and 6 months to find the girl, make a baby and nurture him/her nicely or simple adopt (hah! now you tell me which one seems easier!) So may be I should have a plan ready. If I do not find anyone by the time I am, lets say, 27, then I go in for adoption and then marry someone later on (of course someone who I'm sure won't be an evil step mom).

And while we're at it, if I have a child after marriage, then toh I can't really help it, son or daughter, so would be happy with any. But if I adopt, has to be a daughter. Dont know why? I guess its always like this: Women want sons and Men want daughters.

Phew! There we go! That seems planned!..I wonder if its because of these things that people say I think obsessively..We'll see about that when I'm nicely with my kid and the others are too late..hoo haa haa haa....newase....baby, here i come!

Cheese up!

I was just reminded of three of the cheesiest pick-up lines I've ever heard. Before I say any further, I find it pertinent to tell all of you that I came across them on Television, so don't blame me for the content.

1) A guy saying to a girl:

"Madam, I am your only Adam!"

I mean what?! Its old, its tacky and its sure to make the girl either run away or slap him right there on the face (and if really unlucky, then maybe a kick in the...)

2) This is by far the most hilarious I've heard. This was apparently used by a rather aunty-ish lady on John Abr. (so he says, on Koffee with Karan). The aunty (I like calling her that) comes up to him, gives an ineffectual seductive smile and says with a wink:

"I wanna go for a ride, and I don't mean your bike!"

Woaaah! Where did it even come from? Its one thing being innovative, but its another being, well, plain and simple sleazy. I can just imagine. The poor clueless John sipping his drink away to glory in a bar (where by the way, I think the entire incident took place) and comes this aunty to the hapless unsuspecting fellow and drops this bomb.

Now the interesting question is how do you think he would have reacted. My guesses are:

"umm..no thanks..I'm out of fuel"

or "umm..may be some other day..it's a bit...rusty abhi"

or a plain and simple "No thanks, I prefer riding alone"

[;) They always said I was good with puns!]

3) There's a third one also, but its beyond the scope of this blog..so if anyone wants to know it..too bad! just switch on the TV and sit waiting for it to Cheese up!

One day in the past....

June 24, 2008; 2:00 PM: Today was almost like a day in the past. Why you ask? Well, because after ages I had some sort of interaction with all those people, who at one point of time were my routine companions.

I spent the morning chatting with a friend who is still in touch with me, but that gave the day a start so it counts. It felt like the old times, when we used to chat about the various comedy shoes that come on TV and laugh over them. We were laughing just like the old times, with only one difference, we could not see or hear each other laughing. Then I scrapped some of the really long lost friends, my immediate seniors from school whom I was closer to than most people from my own batch. It was more of a monologue (scrap you see!) because apparently it seems that in these three years they have forgotten me as much as I might seem to have forgotten them. I can still remember that it was this lot who taught me how to have fun, how to enjoy each day as it comes. The hours at a stretch in the Reading Room (where people did everything except for read). But alas, it all seems to have buried down the sands of time. Things have changed so much, no contact for almost 3 years. But I realized, maybe not them, at least I can make an initiative. I managed to have a scrap chat with one of my first senior friends, with whom I had had some great times. Further into the day, I added probably one of my oldest school friends on gtalk (yep, he wasn’t there on the list till now because in school we never used these IMs). We were like the academic buds, discussing everything before the exams and giving each other solace for the exorbitantly large syllabi. We chatted for some time and then decided to meet up (not that I hadn’t met him in the last two years, but still, it felt like a new start). All in all, its still just the afternoon, and it already feels like a “day in the past”, that past which made me what I am today, that past which is filled with memories enough to make me smile for a lifetime (oh k! that was sheer exaggeration but you get the idea!)

As the day progressed, I sat thinking about what college life had done to me. It had made me drift away from those people with whom I used to spend hours at a stretch at a point of time. They are the people with whom I have genuinely had the best time of my life (so far). They are the people who have seen me grow to become what I am today. There was a point of time when you somehow just expect that you’d forever stick together. They say that true friendship stands the test of time, but honestly does it? So I raised a question before myself-is it the saying that’s wrong or is my friendship with these people not true?

And the answer I found within myself- a little of both. The saying is wrong because no relationship remains unaltered unless you make an effort. I am not saying that you lose friends. Not at all. But things change. You might be the best of friends in school but if you fail to make an effort to talk or stay in touch for three long years, things change. If you’re lucky then probably you’re still friends, but it’s not the same. Probably it will get the same again if you stay in touch from now on: but then again, it needs an effort. So it all comes down to this I guess- true friendship stands the test of time provided you make an effort for it to stand. Else, it will never stay the same, it will inevitably change. Change of course is a part of life, for better or for worse.

Regarding the second part- was my friendship with those people true? Of course it was, depends on how you define ‘true’. Does it mean ‘unswerving’, then nope, never. But if it means that even after two-three years of not really being in touch, your face still lights up with elation at the thought of talking to them; you feel the same way you used to when you were with them, amongst them; you once again feel what it means to be really happy, without any worries or superficialities, not the adulterated happiness which one often experiences nowadays but genuine happiness….then our friendship sure is true. Then why do I say that it wasn’t true to some extent? Because both the sides, me and them, got preoccupied and lost. Both became so deeply engrossed in their new lifestyle that somewhere down the line, we drifted away. I am not modest enough to inculpate it all on myself; I say both were at fault, or rather, like I always say to console myself- “Some things are inevitable”.

I realized one more thing. These people whom I am talking about, they might not have been my best or closest friends, but they were friends no doubt. I have shared some beautiful memories with these people. But I was foolish enough to make an effort for those whom I call “best” friends but not for these people. I will not generalize because I don’t know what you all do? But I know about myself that I discriminated between friends in a way, didn’t I? My law friends (where I belong now!) might say it is a “reasonable classification” (for those who didn’t understand, it’s a lawyer thing!) but life is not some legislation, no rules, no laws. This is life! And friends are those people who make life worth living (but of course, after family). In today’s world, practicality is inculcated in us to such deep extents that all our decisions, our thoughts are guided by it. Perhaps that is why we blow the concept of “moving on” and “accepting the change” out of proportion and do not even try to keep those things together which can easily be preserved, like friends. I kept my close friends under my eye, but lost touch of the others. And its not a very conscious mistake which we make. It just happens. What is needed is that we be conscious of not letting it happen. We make a mistake thinking that friends are substitutable, but they are not. No person is. Not even the jerk from school who made you realize how much hatred abodes in you. You might find new ones no doubt, and they might even be better (or worse in case of the jerks) but they are not the ones whom you have left behind. We fool ourselves for some time thinking that we sail new seas now. But how can we forget that the river from which we emanate is what makes the sea? That river in which we flew till now is still there, the only difference is- the sea which we now call ours is made up of many rivers put together.

There are days when you are fully content with the change, fully happy in the moment; with your new life; with new people. But these instants are interspersed by moments where you remember all that you have left behind, and it is in these times that you simply wish you could have one day…..just one day in the past!!

Better off off-line!...

My friend Divi met Brick on the internet and they eventually became the best of friends (more like e-brother and sister if I’m not wrong). So the other day when I found out about this thing at Brick’s blog, I was amazed. Not that Divi hadn’t ever mentioned it to me. But at that time, it somehow didn’t strike me like this. So I told Brick that this entire notion of meeting people and becoming friends with them over the internet is kinda creepy for me. And I set to wonder why. I mean what IS the harm in making friends over the internet? Why is it that I for some strange reason have never been able to think that it is very much possible for one to find a good friend in an e-companion?

Possibility No. 1: Having stayed all your life in an over-protected environment, you have always been told by the distrustful lot (who, surprisingly you don not even remember, they were) not to ever have reliance on anything that is electronic, be it the E-mail or the E-banking or the EEnternet (he he).

Possibility No. 2: Just when you’ve turned adolescent and feel that you are finally ready to interact with people over the internet and you open your first mail account on Yahoo, you hear about this really great thing called chatting in school. So you go about exploring it thinking you would bump into nice people who would probably have nice things to talk about. A silly friend at school tells you to go join chat rooms where people discuss nice stuff. But just when you thought it’s gonna be fun, you somehow end up bumping only into maniacs who can’t stop discussing sex even in a chat room titled “India Speaks”. You try to get out of there as soon as possible, but your pace is slowed down by random chat windows incessantly popping up on your screen with people asking only a single question: “ASL?”. You wonder whatever happened to the good old word “Hi” but somehow manage to get out. You log off and secretly decide never to go on chat rooms again.

Possibility No. 3: You’re soaring your way through your teens and decide to be a little optimistic about the internet. But then you hear of cases all across where people who used e-accounts and e-banking have been robbed off of all their money. The distrustful lot (remember? The ones whom I cant remember? Yah! They’re the ones I’m talking about) make full use of these deplorable examples to inculcate a secret fear of the people whom one can meet online.
And if that were not enough, you come across this news article about people hooking up online and deciding to meet up under the impression that the other one will have the same “asl” as he/she proclaimed, only to be disappointed and robbed or mistreated by some stranger who was nothing compared to what they had imagined. You conveniently presume that everyone who decides to talk to people on the internet is a desperate freak, who will surely lie about his/her specifications only to trap you into meeting him/her one day and kidnapping you to be thrown off on some non-existent island where you’d be forced to beg or be eaten alive (if you’re lucky).

Possibility No. 4: You reach the latter half of your teens and hear of this cool community called orkut. Ignoring the discouraging voices of the distrustful lot (C’mon, I don’t need to tell you every time?) in your head, you decide to check it out and join in. So while randomly looking up at your friends’ profiles you find a weird similarity between the profiles of all those friends of yours who happen to be girls. They all seem to be having strange obtuse scraps from random guys reading nothing more than, “You hot, I likes, me good, want to be friendship”. Your first reaction is to thank your parents for sending you to a school where they made it a point to teach grammar along with the words (unlike in these cases). You feel this momentary sympathy for female kind because such desperate losers are found only amongst guys and you thank Mother Nature for making you a guy (Luckily, girls are almost never such freaks). You seek apologies from the distrustful lot hovering in your head (now giving you a victorious smirk in the “I told you” fashion) and decide that while on orkut, you would use it only to stay in touch with those whom you already know and never make new friends there.
You officially come to the conclusion that everyone who goes on the internet is either highly desperate or highly stupid.

Possibility No. 5: As you sit watching TV one day, you come across this News channel X (which has now become famous for being the news channel which sensationalizes almost everything, even a crow in Mumbai city!!) in which a scary man tells you how people who go in for online matrimonial sites get fooled in some way or the other.

Possibility No. 6: On top of everything else, the distrustful lot (They just keep coming back! Darmit! Who the hell are these people?) somehow convince you that internet surfing is an addiction as they gossip about how the only reason for a certain couple, Mr. and Mrs. X’s phone bill being exorbitant was because their son sat online watching porn all day. You, being the nice cultured chap you always thought you are, make up your mind never to be a slave to the internet and never to trust anyone whom you come across over the internet.

Changed Scenario: June 21, 2008; 4:00 PM: You sit thinking that may be you were wrong (but only a little bit!). The distrustful lot does not haunt you anymore. You have now grown up and you realize that it might be true that one cannot be too sure of whom to interact with on the internet but you don’t need to be scared or anything because not EVERYONE is a freak there. You should be open to the idea that there might, just might (I’m still not too optimistic) be good people there also. So you grow out of the absolutely negative notion (now its just plain and simple negative..but hey! At least there’s an improvement) and realize that internet is not a parallel universe with strange creatures roaming around (which you thought till now) but it is made up of humans after all (of course at the same time not forgetting that a lot many of them ARE still freaks..but again! improvement at least). All thanks to two people: Thank you Divi and Sukrit.