So the other day I just realized that time is really flying by for me..I mean before I even know it I'll be 20 (sighh..there goes my Teenage!) and then one year from then and I'll be 21 (I know I know..you all know your Maths, but its for the effect), the legal age to get married or even adopt. The mention of this adopt thing has a very interesting reason to it. I mean don't you all just love babies! We all do! I toh for one have wanted a baby ever since I was a baby myself I think. They are the cutest things that ever crawled the Earth you know! But the problem is, I'm running out of time. I mean I've had zero relationships so far (not even so much as a fling), and the way things are going I'm apprehensive about being on my way to becoming that old Pantaloon who stays all by himself in a suburb and the neighbourhood kids come and ring his doorbell and then run away and he comes out and yells randomly at trees and dogs and birds...sigh! (Talk about having a bright future!).
And above all, how will I ever have a kid like this (I mean I know the HOW..umm..but with whom and when?), you know someone to call Junior (though I never would call him junior..its the worst name one could address their kid by)..So then I decided that in case I never find someone, I'll adopt. I only need to wait like an year and a half now to be of legal age to adopt.
But then how could the kid stay without a mother? A kid definitely needs a mother! So my second option was tricking someone to marry me and then having a kid. On this my friend K had a rather repulsive thing to say, "You mean you'll trick her, knock her off!!, and then desert her running away with the child". Of course not! Now that I have married her, I'd be loyal and stay with her and live the perfect life and all. The only difference is that my ultimate motive behind marrying her would have been the kid. Because if I start looking for someone from the simple perspective of marrying her, there are a zillion flaws which I manage to point out in every single girl I've ever seen. Once I change my perspective (you know from "I want a wife" to "Now I just want a mother for my child") the only thing that I'll have to look for is a perfect gene pool. She doesn't have to be perfect anymore (unlike when I think from the "I want a wife" perspective), she just has to be a gene pool which includes great looks, high moral tone, smart, good to talk to, talented (at least as much as I am), intelligent (again..beat me at least!), sound medical history, etc. etc., which is Almost Perfect, but hey! What the hell, at least I've come down from perfect to the almost.
Theres one more reason why the sooner I have a kid, the better it is! You see, I want to give my kid the maximum time, the maximum luxury, the maximum happiness and above all, the best upbringing, you know with perfect morals and all (those who know me well would know). Now for that I need to be able to give them my best till the time they are old enough to look after themselves. So if I do not have one by the time I'm 30, I'll be 50 when they're just 20. I would be old, but they would still be not fit to cater to themselves (ask me, I'm almost 20, I know! 20 is definitely not the age when one feels ready to take care of himself). How is that ever gonna work out?! (Panic!) So that leaves me with only 10 years and 6 months to find the girl, make a baby and nurture him/her nicely or simple adopt (hah! now you tell me which one seems easier!) So may be I should have a plan ready. If I do not find anyone by the time I am, lets say, 27, then I go in for adoption and then marry someone later on (of course someone who I'm sure won't be an evil step mom).
And while we're at it, if I have a child after marriage, then toh I can't really help it, son or daughter, so would be happy with any. But if I adopt, has to be a daughter. Dont know why? I guess its always like this: Women want sons and Men want daughters.
Phew! There we go! That seems planned!..I wonder if its because of these things that people say I think obsessively..We'll see about that when I'm nicely with my kid and the others are too late..hoo haa haa haa....newase....baby, here i come!
And above all, how will I ever have a kid like this (I mean I know the HOW..umm..but with whom and when?), you know someone to call Junior (though I never would call him junior..its the worst name one could address their kid by)..So then I decided that in case I never find someone, I'll adopt. I only need to wait like an year and a half now to be of legal age to adopt.
But then how could the kid stay without a mother? A kid definitely needs a mother! So my second option was tricking someone to marry me and then having a kid. On this my friend K had a rather repulsive thing to say, "You mean you'll trick her, knock her off!!, and then desert her running away with the child". Of course not! Now that I have married her, I'd be loyal and stay with her and live the perfect life and all. The only difference is that my ultimate motive behind marrying her would have been the kid. Because if I start looking for someone from the simple perspective of marrying her, there are a zillion flaws which I manage to point out in every single girl I've ever seen. Once I change my perspective (you know from "I want a wife" to "Now I just want a mother for my child") the only thing that I'll have to look for is a perfect gene pool. She doesn't have to be perfect anymore (unlike when I think from the "I want a wife" perspective), she just has to be a gene pool which includes great looks, high moral tone, smart, good to talk to, talented (at least as much as I am), intelligent (again..beat me at least!), sound medical history, etc. etc., which is Almost Perfect, but hey! What the hell, at least I've come down from perfect to the almost.
Theres one more reason why the sooner I have a kid, the better it is! You see, I want to give my kid the maximum time, the maximum luxury, the maximum happiness and above all, the best upbringing, you know with perfect morals and all (those who know me well would know). Now for that I need to be able to give them my best till the time they are old enough to look after themselves. So if I do not have one by the time I'm 30, I'll be 50 when they're just 20. I would be old, but they would still be not fit to cater to themselves (ask me, I'm almost 20, I know! 20 is definitely not the age when one feels ready to take care of himself). How is that ever gonna work out?! (Panic!) So that leaves me with only 10 years and 6 months to find the girl, make a baby and nurture him/her nicely or simple adopt (hah! now you tell me which one seems easier!) So may be I should have a plan ready. If I do not find anyone by the time I am, lets say, 27, then I go in for adoption and then marry someone later on (of course someone who I'm sure won't be an evil step mom).
And while we're at it, if I have a child after marriage, then toh I can't really help it, son or daughter, so would be happy with any. But if I adopt, has to be a daughter. Dont know why? I guess its always like this: Women want sons and Men want daughters.
Phew! There we go! That seems planned!..I wonder if its because of these things that people say I think obsessively..We'll see about that when I'm nicely with my kid and the others are too late..hoo haa haa haa....newase....baby, here i come!
14 comments:
Me too!! so often ive thought of just kidnapping one :D
junior- agree.. BAD name fr a kid..
adhi.. i can think of lots of girls more intelligent than you but if u want a girl wit a higher gpa than you, then im sorry sweetie ul be single for life.. tsk tsk.. :P
and no.. me wants a cute lil baby girl :D
i wanna kid too :(
thank god ur my brother :P so ppl.. nip those silly suggestions in the bud.. obliged..
:D
he he..of course i know you looooove kids..remember the mumbai mall?!..
newase..you can actually thin of loads of people more intelligent than me?! then that qualifies..gpa wont matter..so bring them on! ;)
aww so sweet...although i dont know babies dont really do the thing for me...i mean i cant handle cranky babies peeing and pooping around... best of luck with the baby and the girl... Adopting is noble as long as you can do justice to the kid... and like u said no step-parently treatement when ur own kid coms in...
ps: i noe girls are supposed to luv babies go cuchi cuchie ku...but i defy all stereotypes..hehe...
@swayam: True! you should adopt only if you're sure of yourself..
as for girls loving babies..he he..ive come across many who absolutely hate the idea of a pooping machine in their house!..so we cant exactly say its a stereotype!
adhirath!!
1. why isn't this in a matrimonial supplementary of some national daily??
2. i hate it when people use the word 'cute' for babies! they cant help being so dubious about the world around them, or about themselves for that matter! and u regard it to be cute, i mean the poor fella!!
3. i can't get along with babies. why don't they just think of me as a 'bad didi' and shoo off?!?
4. don't worry about the gene pool, m sure i would be out with something in bitoech by the time you get married, so just find a 'biologically functional' female to help you 'making' a kid ;)
5. kids aren't half as cute when they grow up. what would you do then??
this is getting a li'l longer, but nice one!
@ Divita: he he, this is the tyoe of girls im talking about..newase..Di, nobody has kids just cos they're cute..one has them for life..so im sure even when they grow, ill luv my kids just as much..isnt it a great feeling to have someone to live for (and worth dying for)!..and well, i surely finds them CUTE!
@ Swrodfish: i must be lucky that im coming across all those girls who are wht i was telling swayam about..newase..u know, of course i will tell her that i plan to have kids...i doubt if i can EVER marry a girl who doesnt wanna have kids!
@ Sowrdfish: and just so you know, a child is an equal responsibility for a father and a mother (at least thts wht ive seen in my surroundings always)..but the entire torturous phase is all worth the joy of seeing your very own child (i guess)
imagine yourself adhirath to be readying yourself to propose to the girl sitting right in front of you in a very expensive restaurant, and then you blurt it out - "will you mommy me kids???!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
@ Divita: hmm..now that you put it that way, it MIGHT actually be a problem..so that makes my job even tougher..I mean I HAVE to like the girl for myself before finding her perfect to mommy my kids (as u put it)..oh k, change of plans..now till I'm 27 I'll look for someone who's perfect for me, then if not found, till 29 I'll look for someone who's perfect to be my kids' mommy..and if still not found then in the next one year till 30 I adopt!
PS: Off the record, I hope people here DO realize that this post was a JOKE..not my luv for children, them toh i absolutely adore, but yes, this entire planning..hmmpphhh..i'd better rely on destiny
I knw a kid is a responsibility fr both and a joy n all... I am looking forward to it provided someone else has the pleasure of going thru the initial tortorous phase... :P :P
(I'd be more than willing to forego the joy fathers dont get anyways-- giving birth)
Btw... the name is swordfishh
@divya.. i know someone who isn't satisfied with a GPA of 9.9.. want me to talk to her? :P
Sure... go ahead... :P what say adhi? U ok with us lookin out fr ur partner? :P
@ Divya and Brick: hmm....not a bad idea at all!! oh k guys! you may get to work! ;)
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