Non Sense

I know its really non sense to ask this but I was wondering, how is it that your inspiration is supposed to run dry but your spirits, on the other hand, always get dampened. Weird?! Isn't it contradictory?!

Coz well, isn't it so that you get your inspiration from your spirit only. I always presumed that your muse is nothing but a more popular resident of spirit-town.

So like one day if I'm writing and I my inspiration runs dry, it would mean my spirits are dry too and so it should be perfect for some spiritual writing! :P

Insomania!

So it started when I was in the eight standard. It would suffice to tell you that I had a certain exam, which I was really nervous about, more than usual, thinking how will I ever manage to finish off the entire course in one day. Put all this together and you get a sleepless 'me' tossing and turning in the bed till late in the night. And that it how it all began. After that there were several times when during exams I couldn't sleep till late. But generally, I would always end up ultimately falling asleep. But this time it got really late, I was on my bed sleepless and without relief till 3 or 4 (Don't laugh..3 or 4 is late for me..its freakin' next day!)..So I decided to take matters in my own hands and went on my quest for a solution. I sat searching on the internet (of course after finishing the course) for almost an hour on the examination eve. And these were the various solutions I came across:

1) Cure 1: Count sheep (Oh yeah, I've heard that one before..its gotta work!)....Observe them properly, every little detail (Ok so where do i start?)...its eyes, its wool, its legs, its small nose (wow..thats good detailing..oh k, here goes)..observe them as they hop right over the fence of your dreams (oh k, make them hope..hop hop hop!...).. Every sheep, some big and fat, others small and thin, observe it (oh k..wow..this is working..i think im sleepy..no wait..its just boredom)..And you'll eventually fall asleep before you even know it (umm..I don't think so..I've been at it for like forever..how many of these things are up there anyway..gosh! its like a factory ................................................................................. Oh k..I give up!)

2) Cure 2: Go to your happy place (The what?!)..Happy place? You don't have one/ (umm...no!)..well then lets create one for you (sure thing, whatever helps me get some sleep)..Lets see, what would you have as your happy place (ooh.. I disneyland?! Good one huh?).. We know, a peaceful quiet meadow (umm...not really!..but oh what the hell).. Imagine a green peaceful meadow (oh k).. Observe the silence (what?! how?!).. You are standing right in the middle of it (oh k.... I am!).. theres a stream flowing through the meadow (A stream in the meadow!? What?!)..or maybe the mountains, where you can feel the soft breeze flowing through your hair (Are we there already..its gettin kinda boring)..and you are in a boat (Where the hell did that come from?!)..and you're rowing (Fine Row Row Row!)..and you're rowing (Yes i am..and nothings happening)..you are absorbing the peace and tranquility (not quite)..and you're rowing (Thud!)..and you're falling asleep (no I'm not!)..and you're almost asleep (Get out of my head!)....

3) Cure 3: Now this one was the funniest..........Cant sleep? (Yeah).. There can be various causes of insomnia (ahun ahun)...the most common is Anxiety (yep yep..you got that right!).. We have the perfect solution for you (yey!).. All you need to do is get rid of the anxiety! (huh?1..what?!..of course I need to do that..but how?!.... Wheres the rest of your help!)

?!?!?!?!

I have officially come across the most wanna be T-shirt that I've ever seen....

As I was walking to office this morning after a rather disturbing bus ride and coming to the conclusion that classy colours like creme or off white are not meant for poor old souls like me who travel by a bus every freaking morning! So as I start ascending the flight of stairs...there it was..this T-shirt worn by a rather tapori-ish guy which read: "If being sexy is a crime...ARREST ME!" :O

I mean wtf! what is this world getting to.....Voix, I'd give it to you, if only i would have had the sense to take out my phone and click!...maybe he should marry that "barbie for president woman"!! won't they be adorable together...and then maybe, they can both roam around hand in hand wearing Ts that read "If being inspired by Govinda is a crime, Arrest us!"

Happy Holidays!

Ok, I'm flattered. Thanks to Voix and Hoverer. But I'm sorry to have disappointed them. I know as per the awesome culture (you wont get it so stopp brainstorming), holdiays cannot be said to have started unless I start blogging. Cos well, I rarely blog. Reasons? well, firstly cos at times i get struck by guilt thinking how much can i possibly bug people with senseless useless talks. ha ha! Did you guys buy that? Of course not! I dont care if you're bored. Dont read it then! :P
so now for the main reason..in college i seldom get time (being a nerd has its own disadvantages)..thus the outburst of words and emotions during the holidays. then whats been going wrong for past two vacations! sigh! dont remind me..i barely get access to the internet when I'm interning. Boredom of course is just the same, the difference is just of resources.
Similar problem this time. I'm in Delhi again (thud!).....interning? yes...Lots of work? no.... Bored? YES! ....wanting to blog? Yes.... Round the clock internet access? No.... Internet in the office? Yes.... Easy to grab a comp? No.....So that explains. But today i realized (which was very strongly reiterated by Voix) that if i can write mails to my friends, I'm sure I can smuggle some time to blog! and so here i am!

Now what should I write about..there are many things on my mind which I WILL of course be writing about in the course of time. But which one first?..hmm...k I know! the Zuzus!!!!!

Aren't they the cutest! except for when they are making those annoying noices! but they're just perfect. I've come to the conclusion. If i ever get a pet in an alternate universe where anything's possible, I'll get a Zuzu as a pet. can u imagine having that white thing running around. i mean its white and its bald!! he he....espeacially that add in which those two zuzu kids run away terrified of their mom or whoever is that with the face pack on. You know the add about the free beauty tips! those zuz kids are out of this world (figuratively i mean!)...

now for the part as to why zuzus as pets. Those who know me well know my feelings towards children. So this is how it went:

Me: "That does it! i want zuzus as my kids"
Voix: "You mad or what! they'll be the most irritating things when they grow up"
Me: "What are you talking about? They're adorable"
Voix:"Maybe as kids...but imagine grown up zuzus..they're not cute and on top of that they cant talk..they just make those NOICES"
K: "Shes right you know"
Voix: "How do you plan to have them anyway"
(I cant describe the process here, its a oublic forum..lets just say it involves me and a Zuzu woman!)
Voix: "Great! so much for a sensible family"
Me: "Fine! i want kids who will be Zuzus when they are kids and grow up to be humans!"
Voix and K (together): "Sigh!! We give up!"

Relections anyone?!

Times flying by....wheres my baby!?

So the other day I just realized that time is really flying by for me..I mean before I even know it I'll be 20 (sighh..there goes my Teenage!) and then one year from then and I'll be 21 (I know I know..you all know your Maths, but its for the effect), the legal age to get married or even adopt. The mention of this adopt thing has a very interesting reason to it. I mean don't you all just love babies! We all do! I toh for one have wanted a baby ever since I was a baby myself I think. They are the cutest things that ever crawled the Earth you know! But the problem is, I'm running out of time. I mean I've had zero relationships so far (not even so much as a fling), and the way things are going I'm apprehensive about being on my way to becoming that old Pantaloon who stays all by himself in a suburb and the neighbourhood kids come and ring his doorbell and then run away and he comes out and yells randomly at trees and dogs and birds...sigh! (Talk about having a bright future!).

And above all, how will I ever have a kid like this (I mean I know the HOW..umm..but with whom and when?), you know someone to call Junior (though I never would call him junior..its the worst name one could address their kid by)..So then I decided that in case I never find someone, I'll adopt. I only need to wait like an year and a half now to be of legal age to adopt.

But then how could the kid stay without a mother? A kid definitely needs a mother! So my second option was tricking someone to marry me and then having a kid. On this my friend K had a rather repulsive thing to say, "You mean you'll trick her, knock her off!!, and then desert her running away with the child". Of course not! Now that I have married her, I'd be loyal and stay with her and live the perfect life and all. The only difference is that my ultimate motive behind marrying her would have been the kid. Because if I start looking for someone from the simple perspective of marrying her, there are a zillion flaws which I manage to point out in every single girl I've ever seen. Once I change my perspective (you know from "I want a wife" to "Now I just want a mother for my child") the only thing that I'll have to look for is a perfect gene pool. She doesn't have to be perfect anymore (unlike when I think from the "I want a wife" perspective), she just has to be a gene pool which includes great looks, high moral tone, smart, good to talk to, talented (at least as much as I am), intelligent (again..beat me at least!), sound medical history, etc. etc., which is Almost Perfect, but hey! What the hell, at least I've come down from perfect to the almost.

Theres one more reason why the sooner I have a kid, the better it is! You see, I want to give my kid the maximum time, the maximum luxury, the maximum happiness and above all, the best upbringing, you know with perfect morals and all (those who know me well would know). Now for that I need to be able to give them my best till the time they are old enough to look after themselves. So if I do not have one by the time I'm 30, I'll be 50 when they're just 20. I would be old, but they would still be not fit to cater to themselves (ask me, I'm almost 20, I know! 20 is definitely not the age when one feels ready to take care of himself). How is that ever gonna work out?! (Panic!) So that leaves me with only 10 years and 6 months to find the girl, make a baby and nurture him/her nicely or simple adopt (hah! now you tell me which one seems easier!) So may be I should have a plan ready. If I do not find anyone by the time I am, lets say, 27, then I go in for adoption and then marry someone later on (of course someone who I'm sure won't be an evil step mom).

And while we're at it, if I have a child after marriage, then toh I can't really help it, son or daughter, so would be happy with any. But if I adopt, has to be a daughter. Dont know why? I guess its always like this: Women want sons and Men want daughters.

Phew! There we go! That seems planned!..I wonder if its because of these things that people say I think obsessively..We'll see about that when I'm nicely with my kid and the others are too late..hoo haa haa haa....newase....baby, here i come!

Cheese up!

I was just reminded of three of the cheesiest pick-up lines I've ever heard. Before I say any further, I find it pertinent to tell all of you that I came across them on Television, so don't blame me for the content.

1) A guy saying to a girl:

"Madam, I am your only Adam!"

I mean what?! Its old, its tacky and its sure to make the girl either run away or slap him right there on the face (and if really unlucky, then maybe a kick in the...)

2) This is by far the most hilarious I've heard. This was apparently used by a rather aunty-ish lady on John Abr. (so he says, on Koffee with Karan). The aunty (I like calling her that) comes up to him, gives an ineffectual seductive smile and says with a wink:

"I wanna go for a ride, and I don't mean your bike!"

Woaaah! Where did it even come from? Its one thing being innovative, but its another being, well, plain and simple sleazy. I can just imagine. The poor clueless John sipping his drink away to glory in a bar (where by the way, I think the entire incident took place) and comes this aunty to the hapless unsuspecting fellow and drops this bomb.

Now the interesting question is how do you think he would have reacted. My guesses are:

"umm..no thanks..I'm out of fuel"

or "umm..may be some other day..it's a bit...rusty abhi"

or a plain and simple "No thanks, I prefer riding alone"

[;) They always said I was good with puns!]

3) There's a third one also, but its beyond the scope of this blog..so if anyone wants to know it..too bad! just switch on the TV and sit waiting for it to Cheese up!

Better off off-line!...

My friend Divi met Brick on the internet and they eventually became the best of friends (more like e-brother and sister if I’m not wrong). So the other day when I found out about this thing at Brick’s blog, I was amazed. Not that Divi hadn’t ever mentioned it to me. But at that time, it somehow didn’t strike me like this. So I told Brick that this entire notion of meeting people and becoming friends with them over the internet is kinda creepy for me. And I set to wonder why. I mean what IS the harm in making friends over the internet? Why is it that I for some strange reason have never been able to think that it is very much possible for one to find a good friend in an e-companion?

Possibility No. 1: Having stayed all your life in an over-protected environment, you have always been told by the distrustful lot (who, surprisingly you don not even remember, they were) not to ever have reliance on anything that is electronic, be it the E-mail or the E-banking or the EEnternet (he he).

Possibility No. 2: Just when you’ve turned adolescent and feel that you are finally ready to interact with people over the internet and you open your first mail account on Yahoo, you hear about this really great thing called chatting in school. So you go about exploring it thinking you would bump into nice people who would probably have nice things to talk about. A silly friend at school tells you to go join chat rooms where people discuss nice stuff. But just when you thought it’s gonna be fun, you somehow end up bumping only into maniacs who can’t stop discussing sex even in a chat room titled “India Speaks”. You try to get out of there as soon as possible, but your pace is slowed down by random chat windows incessantly popping up on your screen with people asking only a single question: “ASL?”. You wonder whatever happened to the good old word “Hi” but somehow manage to get out. You log off and secretly decide never to go on chat rooms again.

Possibility No. 3: You’re soaring your way through your teens and decide to be a little optimistic about the internet. But then you hear of cases all across where people who used e-accounts and e-banking have been robbed off of all their money. The distrustful lot (remember? The ones whom I cant remember? Yah! They’re the ones I’m talking about) make full use of these deplorable examples to inculcate a secret fear of the people whom one can meet online.
And if that were not enough, you come across this news article about people hooking up online and deciding to meet up under the impression that the other one will have the same “asl” as he/she proclaimed, only to be disappointed and robbed or mistreated by some stranger who was nothing compared to what they had imagined. You conveniently presume that everyone who decides to talk to people on the internet is a desperate freak, who will surely lie about his/her specifications only to trap you into meeting him/her one day and kidnapping you to be thrown off on some non-existent island where you’d be forced to beg or be eaten alive (if you’re lucky).

Possibility No. 4: You reach the latter half of your teens and hear of this cool community called orkut. Ignoring the discouraging voices of the distrustful lot (C’mon, I don’t need to tell you every time?) in your head, you decide to check it out and join in. So while randomly looking up at your friends’ profiles you find a weird similarity between the profiles of all those friends of yours who happen to be girls. They all seem to be having strange obtuse scraps from random guys reading nothing more than, “You hot, I likes, me good, want to be friendship”. Your first reaction is to thank your parents for sending you to a school where they made it a point to teach grammar along with the words (unlike in these cases). You feel this momentary sympathy for female kind because such desperate losers are found only amongst guys and you thank Mother Nature for making you a guy (Luckily, girls are almost never such freaks). You seek apologies from the distrustful lot hovering in your head (now giving you a victorious smirk in the “I told you” fashion) and decide that while on orkut, you would use it only to stay in touch with those whom you already know and never make new friends there.
You officially come to the conclusion that everyone who goes on the internet is either highly desperate or highly stupid.

Possibility No. 5: As you sit watching TV one day, you come across this News channel X (which has now become famous for being the news channel which sensationalizes almost everything, even a crow in Mumbai city!!) in which a scary man tells you how people who go in for online matrimonial sites get fooled in some way or the other.

Possibility No. 6: On top of everything else, the distrustful lot (They just keep coming back! Darmit! Who the hell are these people?) somehow convince you that internet surfing is an addiction as they gossip about how the only reason for a certain couple, Mr. and Mrs. X’s phone bill being exorbitant was because their son sat online watching porn all day. You, being the nice cultured chap you always thought you are, make up your mind never to be a slave to the internet and never to trust anyone whom you come across over the internet.

Changed Scenario: June 21, 2008; 4:00 PM: You sit thinking that may be you were wrong (but only a little bit!). The distrustful lot does not haunt you anymore. You have now grown up and you realize that it might be true that one cannot be too sure of whom to interact with on the internet but you don’t need to be scared or anything because not EVERYONE is a freak there. You should be open to the idea that there might, just might (I’m still not too optimistic) be good people there also. So you grow out of the absolutely negative notion (now its just plain and simple negative..but hey! At least there’s an improvement) and realize that internet is not a parallel universe with strange creatures roaming around (which you thought till now) but it is made up of humans after all (of course at the same time not forgetting that a lot many of them ARE still freaks..but again! improvement at least). All thanks to two people: Thank you Divi and Sukrit.

Mundane (ly) talks-Part1....

P1: They’re crazy. How could they EVER compare me to Monica. She's a girl, and a freak at that too!

P2 You ARE a Monica! A male version that’s all.

P1: Well then its not a Monica anymore is it?....O ya? Tell me one thing in me which is akin to her.

P2: Hah! One?!

P1 (Furious): She’s a freak. She’s paranoid about everything.

P2: So are you. Think about it. She’s a perfectionist, so are you.

P1: I’m not a perfectionist.

P2: Chuckle…… (yep, that’s all P1 got as a reply)

P1: You appall me! She’s a pain.

P2: Must you hear it from me? Have you ever seen yourself when you go about telling people how things should be and how they shouldn’t. I mean who comments on the way people serve water for christ’s sake!

P1: Well, we all need to have basic skills.

P2: Ahhh yes! And knowing how to serve food is a quintessential skill. And you say I appall YOU? OK, what about your obsession for organizing things?

P1: Oh k, THAT I never do. I’m not obsessed about neatness or organization. Just basic order that’s all, which, by the way, everyone wants.

P2: Hah! Have you ever seen yourself fuss?

P1: Fuss?! Me?! What are you talking about?!

P2: Hmmmpphh….! Fine! I give up! Now stop showing me those Monica eyes!