Growing up!

When you are a child, you often come across frustrated adults grumpy and irritated about nature's irony called "growing up". But when you are a kid, you never truly appreciate, truly understand why people are so bugged with the entire idea of growing up. Twenty years down the line, you find yourself in the shoes of those very people, thinking often, sometimes aloud, that growing up does truly suck. Why so?! Honestly, I myself have asked this question so many times. It's not like I live a depressed life, not at all. I am happy, enjoying every moment of my being. But somewhere at the back of my head, whenever there is a comparison between now and then, the then seems to dominate, taking me over, filling me with a sense of nostalgia.

I remember when I was a kid, I couldn't wait for this little self called "me" to grow up. It was like an eternal wait and somehow, in my head I kept waiting, waiting for something to happen, waiting for time to show its might, waiting for so many things. I was excited, excited to enjoy every moment of my life to the fullest, excited to go to college, to earn, to LIVE! But nothing happened, not in my head at least. I grew up (Or did I?) in the eyes of everyone. And it came as a big shock. When the hell did that happen? It was tough to comprehend. Wasn't I fully prepared. Wasn't I waiting? And yet, when it struck me, I was taken off guard. Soon, days turned into months and months into years. But I (as I'm sure many others my age) continued to be in denial. And a good part of me still is, which refuses to grow up, refuses to accept the undeniable truth.

Its not the age that's the issue. It's the responsibility. The excitement is still there. But its shadowed, overpowered by an anxiety. What will I do? It's all on me now. I can't be the same carefree kid that I was (or at least I am expected not to be). And it surprises me, that how the grand event I was so eagerly waiting for, I now want removed. I want time to go slow. I am expected to take so many decisions all of a sudden. Without a forewarning, I have been bombarded with serious talks of life. Life?! Life itself has changed, from being about chocolates and TV and playing around, to jobs and future and responsibility and expectations. No matter how hard I try, this time there's no escape. I will one day have to go out for work, job?!?! It sounds so remote in my head, and yet so unexpectedly up close and personal. It's right there and yet so far away. I am an amalgamation, of past and present, of dreams and reality, of excitement and anxiety.

While growing up, there always was an exit route, something to look forward to, something to make my adrenaline pump. When I was in preliminary school, there was High School. When I came to 12th, the tears in our eyes while graduating were washed away with the hopes of an awesome college life. But what now, where to!? There are no more crossroads, no more choices, no more running away. Theres only one way from here and that goes to the adult world, the creepy boring adult world.

But of course, there is always the hope. the hope that my life is in my hands (like they say, its your life, make it large!). Endlessly confronted with choices, one always has the steering wheel in his hands. I do too. And I know I will survive! And I also know that in the years to come, the new life to start, I will be best guided by one person who has been with me from the very beginning, who knows me more than I do now, who knows what my dreams were, what I wanted, what made me smile, what made me cry, and that is the reflection of me as a kid! I know I can't stay this way forever, but if only, I want to be carefree again, I want to be wild again, I want to be a kid again!

A Tribute to Smoky!..

Hmmpph.. :(

Europe: Lovely place..had awesome fun.. BUT.. in all the glory and glamour, amidst the shimmering lights and amazing sights.. I lost something (which of course I wasn't really discrete about.. ask anyone in Den Haag about a certain Indian who kept asking any random person if they had seen something which he had lost?).. I lost Smoky!

Who Smoky you ask? Well, its a long story. I remember the first time I laid my eyes on smoky! She was a beauty! Black has always been my favourite colour. And it was the perfect black. Neither funnily grey nor sooty black. Just the perfect shade of black. Which made you feel oddly warm, and not like the normal cold black-holish cold creep that you get on seeing black. And what was more.. It was in a SALE! So it was the perfect brand, the perfect colour, the perfect look and yet CHEAP! Sigh! It was simply perfect. The moment I picked it up from the Monte Carlo, I knew that we were meant to be together (at least till I grew out of it considering my constant tendency to bloat up every once in a while).

So finally we bought it, all excited to take it to Europe with me. I packed it up nicely, right at the base of my suit case so that it doesn't get spoiled or soiled. i had saved it for the perfect moment, it was supposed to be my good luck charm in my moot. It was supposed to be my protector from the ruthless biting cold of Europe. But these bloody heaters, they ruined it all.

Its still fresh as ever in my memory (actually, it really hasn't been more than 2 weeks). It was a Monday (or was it a Wednesday, i think it was a Wednesday but that's not the point). I was getting ready for the first round of the moot. I went, had a shower, took out the suit and then carefully took out Smoky, my black sweater, wore it, looked good (or so I though at least). And then feeling empowered I went for the moot. The moot went well. I can accredit that to Smoky i I guess. But darm the heaters. It was like a furnace in there. I mean Smoky was just trying to help I know, you know, doing her job by keeping me warm. But it was so freaking hot that I had to take Smoky off. Don't give me those e-looks, I didn't have a choice. I never meant to take it off. You know what they say: "what's meant to happen, happens". I guess my act of taking Smoky off was just a pawn move in the greater cosmological conspiracy against Smoky. But little did I know that. Else, I would have NEVER taken it off. NEVER!..... Sigh! .... But i did!

I was overjoyed with the moot performance. We were all chit chatting. And somewhere in the corner was Smoky, waiting in patience to be picked up. And i did too. I picked it up and then took it into the lobby with me, But there I was distracted. Had to go for some work and that is the last time i remember having held Smoky. That was the last time Smoky was in my arms.

After that everything is a blurr. The next thing I remember, I was in the Hotel where I was putting up and Smoky was not there. I looked around like crazy. Everywhere I could see, she was nowhere to be found. I had left here somewhere.

For the remaining days of the trip, everyday I spent thinking where could I have left her. I inquired everywhere, at the World Forum where the moot took place, at the Chinese restaurant where I had had lunch that day. Downstairs at the Hotel if I might have left it somewhere. But all in vain. She was nowhere to be found. And the only thing that I could think of was: It was my fault! The others tried to pacify me. "Its not your fault". It made me question my very responsibility levels.

I became desperate. I would ask any one I saw or met. By the end of the trip, I was known as the guy who lost his special black sweater. I remember that at the farewell party, so many people actually walking up to me to express their condolences over my loss of Smoky.

Then I became REALLY desperate. I needed a plan. I jotted down all the possible places I had gone to. And my final conclusion based on elimination method was that "Oh f****, I left it in the Tram!". But I wasn't the types who'd give up. Before leaving, I asked one of my friends who was staying back to go to the Lost and Found Department and look for things found in a Tram. I was so convinced that he would find it there. I kept hoping..hoping..till one day, days later after returning to college I found out that Smoky wasn't found. I surrendered to my greater wisdom and concluded that I should let go of her.

It is often said that we don't realise the importance of something till we have lost it. It was only after losing her that I named her Smoky.

An thus, with this post, I bid adieu to Smoky, forever. You will be truly missed!

Times flying by....wheres my baby!?

So the other day I just realized that time is really flying by for me..I mean before I even know it I'll be 20 (sighh..there goes my Teenage!) and then one year from then and I'll be 21 (I know I know..you all know your Maths, but its for the effect), the legal age to get married or even adopt. The mention of this adopt thing has a very interesting reason to it. I mean don't you all just love babies! We all do! I toh for one have wanted a baby ever since I was a baby myself I think. They are the cutest things that ever crawled the Earth you know! But the problem is, I'm running out of time. I mean I've had zero relationships so far (not even so much as a fling), and the way things are going I'm apprehensive about being on my way to becoming that old Pantaloon who stays all by himself in a suburb and the neighbourhood kids come and ring his doorbell and then run away and he comes out and yells randomly at trees and dogs and birds...sigh! (Talk about having a bright future!).

And above all, how will I ever have a kid like this (I mean I know the HOW..umm..but with whom and when?), you know someone to call Junior (though I never would call him junior..its the worst name one could address their kid by)..So then I decided that in case I never find someone, I'll adopt. I only need to wait like an year and a half now to be of legal age to adopt.

But then how could the kid stay without a mother? A kid definitely needs a mother! So my second option was tricking someone to marry me and then having a kid. On this my friend K had a rather repulsive thing to say, "You mean you'll trick her, knock her off!!, and then desert her running away with the child". Of course not! Now that I have married her, I'd be loyal and stay with her and live the perfect life and all. The only difference is that my ultimate motive behind marrying her would have been the kid. Because if I start looking for someone from the simple perspective of marrying her, there are a zillion flaws which I manage to point out in every single girl I've ever seen. Once I change my perspective (you know from "I want a wife" to "Now I just want a mother for my child") the only thing that I'll have to look for is a perfect gene pool. She doesn't have to be perfect anymore (unlike when I think from the "I want a wife" perspective), she just has to be a gene pool which includes great looks, high moral tone, smart, good to talk to, talented (at least as much as I am), intelligent (again..beat me at least!), sound medical history, etc. etc., which is Almost Perfect, but hey! What the hell, at least I've come down from perfect to the almost.

Theres one more reason why the sooner I have a kid, the better it is! You see, I want to give my kid the maximum time, the maximum luxury, the maximum happiness and above all, the best upbringing, you know with perfect morals and all (those who know me well would know). Now for that I need to be able to give them my best till the time they are old enough to look after themselves. So if I do not have one by the time I'm 30, I'll be 50 when they're just 20. I would be old, but they would still be not fit to cater to themselves (ask me, I'm almost 20, I know! 20 is definitely not the age when one feels ready to take care of himself). How is that ever gonna work out?! (Panic!) So that leaves me with only 10 years and 6 months to find the girl, make a baby and nurture him/her nicely or simple adopt (hah! now you tell me which one seems easier!) So may be I should have a plan ready. If I do not find anyone by the time I am, lets say, 27, then I go in for adoption and then marry someone later on (of course someone who I'm sure won't be an evil step mom).

And while we're at it, if I have a child after marriage, then toh I can't really help it, son or daughter, so would be happy with any. But if I adopt, has to be a daughter. Dont know why? I guess its always like this: Women want sons and Men want daughters.

Phew! There we go! That seems planned!..I wonder if its because of these things that people say I think obsessively..We'll see about that when I'm nicely with my kid and the others are too late..hoo haa haa haa....newase....baby, here i come!

One day in the past....

June 24, 2008; 2:00 PM: Today was almost like a day in the past. Why you ask? Well, because after ages I had some sort of interaction with all those people, who at one point of time were my routine companions.

I spent the morning chatting with a friend who is still in touch with me, but that gave the day a start so it counts. It felt like the old times, when we used to chat about the various comedy shoes that come on TV and laugh over them. We were laughing just like the old times, with only one difference, we could not see or hear each other laughing. Then I scrapped some of the really long lost friends, my immediate seniors from school whom I was closer to than most people from my own batch. It was more of a monologue (scrap you see!) because apparently it seems that in these three years they have forgotten me as much as I might seem to have forgotten them. I can still remember that it was this lot who taught me how to have fun, how to enjoy each day as it comes. The hours at a stretch in the Reading Room (where people did everything except for read). But alas, it all seems to have buried down the sands of time. Things have changed so much, no contact for almost 3 years. But I realized, maybe not them, at least I can make an initiative. I managed to have a scrap chat with one of my first senior friends, with whom I had had some great times. Further into the day, I added probably one of my oldest school friends on gtalk (yep, he wasn’t there on the list till now because in school we never used these IMs). We were like the academic buds, discussing everything before the exams and giving each other solace for the exorbitantly large syllabi. We chatted for some time and then decided to meet up (not that I hadn’t met him in the last two years, but still, it felt like a new start). All in all, its still just the afternoon, and it already feels like a “day in the past”, that past which made me what I am today, that past which is filled with memories enough to make me smile for a lifetime (oh k! that was sheer exaggeration but you get the idea!)

As the day progressed, I sat thinking about what college life had done to me. It had made me drift away from those people with whom I used to spend hours at a stretch at a point of time. They are the people with whom I have genuinely had the best time of my life (so far). They are the people who have seen me grow to become what I am today. There was a point of time when you somehow just expect that you’d forever stick together. They say that true friendship stands the test of time, but honestly does it? So I raised a question before myself-is it the saying that’s wrong or is my friendship with these people not true?

And the answer I found within myself- a little of both. The saying is wrong because no relationship remains unaltered unless you make an effort. I am not saying that you lose friends. Not at all. But things change. You might be the best of friends in school but if you fail to make an effort to talk or stay in touch for three long years, things change. If you’re lucky then probably you’re still friends, but it’s not the same. Probably it will get the same again if you stay in touch from now on: but then again, it needs an effort. So it all comes down to this I guess- true friendship stands the test of time provided you make an effort for it to stand. Else, it will never stay the same, it will inevitably change. Change of course is a part of life, for better or for worse.

Regarding the second part- was my friendship with those people true? Of course it was, depends on how you define ‘true’. Does it mean ‘unswerving’, then nope, never. But if it means that even after two-three years of not really being in touch, your face still lights up with elation at the thought of talking to them; you feel the same way you used to when you were with them, amongst them; you once again feel what it means to be really happy, without any worries or superficialities, not the adulterated happiness which one often experiences nowadays but genuine happiness….then our friendship sure is true. Then why do I say that it wasn’t true to some extent? Because both the sides, me and them, got preoccupied and lost. Both became so deeply engrossed in their new lifestyle that somewhere down the line, we drifted away. I am not modest enough to inculpate it all on myself; I say both were at fault, or rather, like I always say to console myself- “Some things are inevitable”.

I realized one more thing. These people whom I am talking about, they might not have been my best or closest friends, but they were friends no doubt. I have shared some beautiful memories with these people. But I was foolish enough to make an effort for those whom I call “best” friends but not for these people. I will not generalize because I don’t know what you all do? But I know about myself that I discriminated between friends in a way, didn’t I? My law friends (where I belong now!) might say it is a “reasonable classification” (for those who didn’t understand, it’s a lawyer thing!) but life is not some legislation, no rules, no laws. This is life! And friends are those people who make life worth living (but of course, after family). In today’s world, practicality is inculcated in us to such deep extents that all our decisions, our thoughts are guided by it. Perhaps that is why we blow the concept of “moving on” and “accepting the change” out of proportion and do not even try to keep those things together which can easily be preserved, like friends. I kept my close friends under my eye, but lost touch of the others. And its not a very conscious mistake which we make. It just happens. What is needed is that we be conscious of not letting it happen. We make a mistake thinking that friends are substitutable, but they are not. No person is. Not even the jerk from school who made you realize how much hatred abodes in you. You might find new ones no doubt, and they might even be better (or worse in case of the jerks) but they are not the ones whom you have left behind. We fool ourselves for some time thinking that we sail new seas now. But how can we forget that the river from which we emanate is what makes the sea? That river in which we flew till now is still there, the only difference is- the sea which we now call ours is made up of many rivers put together.

There are days when you are fully content with the change, fully happy in the moment; with your new life; with new people. But these instants are interspersed by moments where you remember all that you have left behind, and it is in these times that you simply wish you could have one day…..just one day in the past!!

Little THIS Sunshine!

So the other day as I was impatiently standing in the bus eagerly waiting to get back to the guest house where I’m putting up, I got this thought. There are so many things in life which are so small and yet they give us such immense pleasure and happiness. He he. It reminds of this particular Shaktiman dialogue: “chhoti chhoti magar moti baatein” (or something like that. I wouldn’t know. My friend told me. Courtesy: Snigdho). It means things which are very small but which mean a lot. Or for that matter the famous Hindi proverb “Gaagar mein Saagar”. And isn’t it so damn true. I mean think about it. There are so many things which are like minuscule but which can make life worth living. So here is my list of some of those things which if we look at in the broader perspective, seem very small and insignificant, but which give us a lifetime of pleasure at those moments, a pleasure which is literally beyond compare:

1. Finding a bathroom when you have been wanting to pee from like ages: isn’t it absolutely heavenly. C’mon now. Own up. You know it is!
2. Highly contextual. When you have been waiting for that stupid DTC bus from half and hour and you’re late and tired and its about to rain and there, just when you were planning to take an auto instead, you see it down the horizon. Ahhh! Sheer elation I tell you.
3. Hmm, don’t now how many would share this one. But supposed there’s a project submission the next day and you somehow couldn’t finish (which happens rarely but still, it can happen!) or whatever and just when you had given up hope, the electricity goes out and it doesn’t come back till early morning and the backchods of the batch bug the professor to death and manage to get an extension. Yey! My GPA is saved!
4. That first monsoon rain (especially if you live in Jaipur) when you rush to the terrace with your sibling and get drenched and when your parents come back from office in the evening, after a little scolding session for getting wet, you all get to have hot tea and pakoras in the porch (especially if its summer vacation time!
5. That journey in the train back home after the end terms! Ahh! This one is surely beyond compare! The anticipation is simply exhilarating.
6. Umm..ok..this toh I know definitely a lot of people won’t share, but every time your result comes out after the end terms!
7. Long drives with your family.
8. Spending the entire evening trying to cook a special dinner for your parents’ anniversary while they are away just to see that expression of half amusement-half bewilderment on their face when they return.
9. Getting those calls from your friends at 12.15 AM on your birthday just when you thought they won’t call.
10. The first time you take out the quilt and cuddle under it when the winter has just dawned.

Dreamsville!

Oh k..so i need to make this confession that i'm really bugged abhi (sitting in the office) so i need to do some TP..he he..it almost reminded me why i had created a blog!..

For those (if any) who liked the mumbai post and wud like to read further .. ull have to wait .. cos i have something else on my mind right now .. something which ive discussed with my friends lots of times .. something which im sure im not the only one thinking of .. something which has been on my mind ever since i was a kid! Yes, that something is my dream life (or rather lives as you'd see)

Remember those times when you were watching some movie or reading a book, or even just whiling away time watching TV or something and you come across this particular style of life that fascinated you so much that you just dream of having a life like that .. well, dont know about all f ya but i sure did have a big list of those lives .. being a big TV buff as i was (and am), I often had something or the other to watch or probably even read .. and i would often fantasize leading the lives as those characters (of course, being the self-0bsessed freak i am i always thought id make better use of it than these characters ever did .. he he) .. but the point is i dreamt .. of so many things!

as i grew up, i realized i wasnt the only one .. soon, there were days when me n my school gang would spend hours talking about these dream lives and what it would be to be in them ..
one more interesting thing was, my dream life seemed to change with my age .. i fantasied different stuff when i was a kid than what i do now (yep, i still am a dreamer).. so heres my list of the top..hmm..lets take 5 as f now.. lives to dream of

Shanks' top 5 lives: (ooh..sounds..umm...freaky actually):

5) and at number five this week we have the ever so wonderful dream life of shanks when he was a kid.. the life as a planeteer. For those who dont know what this is, its probably not even worth reading this post then.. as a kid i was a huge fan of this animation series known as Captain Planet, with those 5 planeteers ( i hope this is how its spelled) .. an honest confession: i had no interest in saving the planet or anything .. it was just a sheer fascination for those rings of the 5 elements .. i was always very confused about which ring i would take if ever given a chance .. my top priorities were always wind and heart, but i would have been happy with anything i guess!

why is it a dream life?.. like duh! ..how cool wud it be to have super powers at your tips (or knuckles in this case) .. somehow i always had a fascination for the supernatural (positive) life .. it would even make the occasional tiffys with the bad guys worth it .. and of course not to forget the feeling of being in control of something other than..well..yourself!

so there we have it..at number 5 the dream life of planeteers!

4) At number four we have...um..lets see... ooh..yeah... at number 4 we have the dream life of shanks when he was around 8-12 .. the life of a power ranger .. i know i know, even i find it funny now! .. but back then it was the best thing ever! .. i mean those funky costumes and marshal arts (wowa!).. luvd it .. see, this was due to the fact that any1 can take away your planeteer ring but no 1 can snatch your skills as a warrior! and there are added benefits in the form of cool gadgets (especially those watches)! plus you get to transform into that megasord (or whatever it was called..u know that big robot formed when all of the smaller robots used to join together) even for the whiniest of villains .. so it was good enough for me!

3) he he..umm.. we...oh k.. I used to live in the land of fantasy and magic till time happened and i grew up .. so naturally, the dream life now was more practical.. this must be when i was around the age of 10-15 .. i remember our summer vacations .. aah.. days at a stretch with nothing to do .. gosh! .. of course my favourite pass time was TV .. this ones also an animation but its a book also, a movie, everything possible .. it depicted the perfect simple life! .. nothing special about it, no glamour, no magic (well, ok .. probably there was magic but of a different sort) .. this was the life of the characters from the series Heidi. remember the simple life of the alps, with no hustle-bustle .. only the mountains, your luved ones, your goats (he he), that dog which was choooo adorable! (i wanted that dog soooo bad) .. and of course mother nature all around! In fact, it was this show because of which i developed a fascination for the mountains and in particular snow! .. ooh and not to forget the perfect meals they had (hot milk with bread n cheese..umm..maybe i wud have chosen butter) .. but i watched it everyday .. being more n more enticed by the hill life! .. it just cudn't get better!

2) and...at number 2 we have the dream life which continues to be a big fascination for me (and a LOT of my friends even till date, with a few modifications though).. yes, ALMOST topping the charts is the magical life at Hogwarts .. ahh, this has probably been one of my (and many others') favourite dream life .. i dont know where to start and where to end about this one .. its all soo good.. oh, but i never (and never ever ) wanted to be Harry though..i wud have preferred to be who i am but just in Hogwarts, it would have been so cool giving Hermionee a competition with the OWLs....!!.....sighh .. i remember when i had read the first book ever, it left me enchanted .. and from that very day i have had a fascination for this life, its been almost, gosh i dont even remember how long its been but i still fantasize it like the very first day, probably even more! .. with every book that came i craved more n more to be a part of the magical world! .. in fact i have no qualms in admitting that this has been the best dream life for me for quite some time and it is still is to a great extent .. oh k, question: then why the hell is it number 2 and not number 1? .. well, reality comes in! somehow over the years we all just got used to the fact that it ain't gonna happen! .. but still, Hogwarts has and would always remain ONE OF my best dream lives!

1) aannd.....(drums role)....topping the charts this time we have the evergreen saga, an epic...the epitome of friendship and probably every teenager's dream .. this has been my dream life soon after i grew up! yep, im talking about none other than the life of Friends. Be it Joe, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Ross or Monica.. they've got it going! .. the thing that makes this life so desirable is the fact that its so real! .. easily relatable, the friends life is just what it takes to give you a kick in today's rat race world! who wudnt want to extend those fun moments with friends to a lifetime of masti! but of course, one big problem with this dream life was- it kinda promotes going away from your our family, and that is why id always want this life to be in my dream only, am not so sure if id want it for real!.. he he..

so there you have it..friends bags in the award for being shanks no.1 dream life!

****ahem ahem..and now here, at this point there's a surprise for every1..yes..now i shall disclose what is my actual, real, and probably the most craved for dream life.. honestly, all of the above do not even come close to how badly i'd like to have this last one..its so precious for me that i wudnt even want to give it a rank.. cos this is one is beyond compare!.. my BIGGEST, BestEST (he he) and actually the PERFECT LIFE is my own life when i was a Kid! :( ..they used to say growing up sucks.. don't know about every1 .. for me it doesnt suck, but it sure isnt nearly as gud as my childhood .. ahh .. those days of utter joblessness, no tension of career, no worries, no need to stay away from home doing stupid internships(highly situational)!!, spending hours doing silly stuff with your sibling, yet enjoying every moment of it.. doing nothing in particular on new year's eve yet getting the maximum satisfaction out of those hours spent on the roof on 31st night staring at the stars with a blanket wrapped around you! .. enjoying each holiday as if it is the first time you're ever celebrating it .. putting those diyas on the roof during diwali! .. those first times of everything! .. getting happy in the smallest of things .. spending those uneventful evenings with all four family members cuddled up under the same quilt (he he, which i always used to snatch away eventually) .. every single moment without fail feeling as though you're the most loved person on the planet (oh well, this one is still there so i shudn't complain) .. going to school to meet friends and spending hours talking and chit chatting about anything and everything .. sigh .. i cud on n on n on!..

i guess this has been the gift of age to me.. it is only once after i grew up that i realized how blessed my childhood has been .. all the above mentioned lives are at their place, but nothing i mean nothing compared to this one.. ive lived it for so many years and in all that time its only left me wanting more! .. i guess thats the biggest lesson life can ever teach us.. the lesson of learning how to luv what u have, becos ones its gone..ur just old! ;)

Heart to Heart!

This one is a real short piece i just randomly wrote this morning...its short but personally i like this one more than many others cos it conveys a lot!


When the heart is lonely, under the summer skies,
u want a soul, who stands by;
I know ur there, somewhere deep,
not known to me, but there indeed;
heart to heart come to me,
heart to heart i summon thee!

The Eyes

Now this one is a poem which I recently scribbled down while sitting in the class (;-)..nothing much to it, open to all sorts of interpretations!!

The eyes that have but tons to speak,
the eyes that spend the nights unsleep;
the eyes that talk and make you stop,
the eyes that cry when moments try;
the eyes that love, the eyes that hate,
the eyes that trust, the eyes that gape;
the eyes that are the doors of heart,
that spill all and make apart;
what lies beneath deep down inside,
the feelings unsaid, the broken lies;
the love, the pain,
the loss, the gain;
at times when words can't say it out,
it is the eyes that make aloud;
the feelings that need a form to be,
a moment of expression, to understand thee;

But now I close these eyes to you,
never again would they be true;
never again will you hear them speak,
what's left unsaid, what lies beneath!!

The path I once chose....

OK, now i really can't call this one a poem..but i cant call it a pure pros as well..hmm..well, i guess ill call it a combo of the two..and people, don't go by the words OK, i am not this negative all the time!..but its good to be pensive once in a while!..so here goes......

I had started from those crossroads thinking that I'll never see them again. But alas, today i am back there, once again, the people have changed but the pain they caused is the same.
I remember the path which I once chose to take, but forgive me my heart, I know that I failed. It was my resolution that I never will, fall in love the day until; things will change and the tables would turn, for a change it won't be mine but their hearts that burn.
Everyone says be practical, learn to see between the lines; people pretend with open minds. But I always thought it was not true; if there is true love, we'll always make it through. For nothing can ever be stronger than love, coz its not the minds but the hearts that lush. You can always think that that you go by the mind, but I claim that its not so in mine. When god made the mind to win over others, he realised that this is not what he wants his world to be. And then came the life that beats within all- the pain, the joy, the envy, the blush- yes, it was the heart indeed to control the mind that goes and fleeks. It is love that makes the world go round; you may stop the mind but there'll be the sound; of that heart that beats inside, not for you but for those you might..!

But today i see it was stupid of me; the world goes not with the heart, but the mind it seems. The sooner I get it the better it is, I know now it was me who was wrong. And now I am back at those crossraods and i choose to yet again go on the path i once chose. But all I ask this time is a little more strength, cause being hurt is what i want never again. I want that this time /i don't detour and keep going on...the path i once chose!

hmm..well that's it..now i know its slightly sad..actually its just very unexpected from someone like me(those who know me wud know)..but what the hell, i just scribbled it down and whatever it is (altho im still wondering where it came from), its an original!!

No Strings Attached

(Well, there it is..another one of my poems..written in the 11th standard, a time full of nostalgia, a time when ur 12 years of school life seem so precious and time seems to be slipping out of your hands!! It is basically a tribute to my almamater, my school!!)

As I look across the sands of time,
A feeling of remorse,
A desperate whine;
For present must one day,
Become but the past,
And all I can say is "no strings attached".
These days I'll cherish,
These moments I'll retain;
These thoughts would forever,
In my mind cause pain.
But how can I, when none could do,
Freeze the time, that's meant to rule;
So I console myself, I've got what I had,
And all I can say,
Is "no strings attached".
I should say I was nothing,
But another anxious face;
Who thought this'll last forever,
But alas! Was in vain.
Several have come & several went by,
But none could help, none could sly;
Then why does it hurt,
Why am I trapped,
For all I can say,
Is "no strings attached".
But they used to boast that every cloud,
Has a silver lining, which you must browse;
And so I follow the common trend,
And see the lining though it might be hidden;
I can see now that I'll always be,
A flower that got detached,
But still clings to the tree;
Just like all others who had gone one day,
And bloomed into new plants facing the day;
For now it's my time, my turn's ahead,
And all I can say,
Is "no strings attached".
I'll be gone but others would come,
And then there'll be yet more,
To get the work done;
But for those who still,
Have a long way to go through;
Before they face the moment,
That we must all find true;
I'd like to say drain it all out,
Cause it won't come back,
No matter how much you shout;
When the time has gone you would realize,
But it would then be too late to make it right;
But why must I cry, why must I whine,
Cause it's not the moment yet, I still have time;
I know it would be difficult to say goodbye,
But it needs to be done; I shouldn't get my hopes high;
Nevertheless, I must be prepared,
The moment would sooner or later come;
But now I know that I'll be glad,
In saying it out loud;"No strings attached".

My Light

(Ok, now this is one of my poems..wrote it for all those people who in some way or the other have contributed in making me meet myself, in guiding me..and doing loads of other stuff for me!!)

The sunburnt wall was always lit,
With a light that only meant heat;
But the gardener came and bloomed it through,
Into a beautiful treat.
For the void has now been filled with flowers,
The light is heat no more;
It has now become the bright sunshine,
With elations the heart never pours.

The water was there that used to flow,
The streams that washed the earth;
The banks were there and so was the mud,
That gave life a birth.
But the waterman came and made it clear,
The sound is not just gush;
It is the sweet music of water,
And the plants a beauty in lush.

The fields were there all covered in grass,
The green was just a shade;
But the farmer came and ripened it through,
The crops of yellow and jade.
The grass is just a plant no more,
It now symbolizes life;
The zeal, the vigour to carry on,
Even in times of strife.

The skies were blue, the roses red,
The rocks, the fire, the ice;
But the colours are more than what they look,
Each tinge specific and right.

The breeze was there that flew unaware,
But it just felt cold and dry;
The toddler came and filled it through,
With the fragrance of booming skies.
The breeze is cold and frozen no more,
The dryness no more thirsts;
For now it has an unseen warmth,
And a source to quench the earth.

The birds sang and butterflies flew,
Babies always took their first step;
But none alas explained the lad,
The secrets untold, unread.
Then came the teacher and opened his eyes,
To the world that lies beyond;
He soon found out, all veils were torn,
That they whisper the sounds of god.

People had come and people went by,
But none could really affect;
None had the strength and nor the will,
To impress the heart's reflect.
And then came the alchemist,
To turn the tide of time;
He walked in through and took me too,
And made me see what's mine.
The gardener, the waterman, the farmer it seems,
The toddler, the teacher, the guide;
I thank the source, whatever the course,
For making me feel my might.
For now I have met who lies within,
The one I call myself;
All thanks to you, the source it's true,
I can say there are no regrets.
You open my path, removed the fog,
To make the sun shine bright;
I thank the source, whatever the course,
My guide, my friend, my light.