June 24, 2008; 2:00 PM: Today was almost like a day in the past. Why you ask? Well, because after ages I had some sort of interaction with all those people, who at one point of time were my routine companions.
I spent the morning chatting with a friend who is still in touch with me, but that gave the day a start so it counts. It felt like the old times, when we used to chat about the various comedy shoes that come on TV and laugh over them. We were laughing just like the old times, with only one difference, we could not see or hear each other laughing. Then I scrapped some of the really long lost friends, my immediate seniors from school whom I was closer to than most people from my own batch. It was more of a monologue (scrap you see!) because apparently it seems that in these three years they have forgotten me as much as I might seem to have forgotten them. I can still remember that it was this lot who taught me how to have fun, how to enjoy each day as it comes. The hours at a stretch in the Reading Room (where people did everything except for read). But alas, it all seems to have buried down the sands of time. Things have changed so much, no contact for almost 3 years. But I realized, maybe not them, at least I can make an initiative. I managed to have a scrap chat with one of my first senior friends, with whom I had had some great times. Further into the day, I added probably one of my oldest school friends on gtalk (yep, he wasn’t there on the list till now because in school we never used these IMs). We were like the academic buds, discussing everything before the exams and giving each other solace for the exorbitantly large syllabi. We chatted for some time and then decided to meet up (not that I hadn’t met him in the last two years, but still, it felt like a new start). All in all, its still just the afternoon, and it already feels like a “day in the past”, that past which made me what I am today, that past which is filled with memories enough to make me smile for a lifetime (oh k! that was sheer exaggeration but you get the idea!)
As the day progressed, I sat thinking about what college life had done to me. It had made me drift away from those people with whom I used to spend hours at a stretch at a point of time. They are the people with whom I have genuinely had the best time of my life (so far). They are the people who have seen me grow to become what I am today. There was a point of time when you somehow just expect that you’d forever stick together. They say that true friendship stands the test of time, but honestly does it? So I raised a question before myself-is it the saying that’s wrong or is my friendship with these people not true?
And the answer I found within myself- a little of both. The saying is wrong because no relationship remains unaltered unless you make an effort. I am not saying that you lose friends. Not at all. But things change. You might be the best of friends in school but if you fail to make an effort to talk or stay in touch for three long years, things change. If you’re lucky then probably you’re still friends, but it’s not the same. Probably it will get the same again if you stay in touch from now on: but then again, it needs an effort. So it all comes down to this I guess- true friendship stands the test of time provided you make an effort for it to stand. Else, it will never stay the same, it will inevitably change. Change of course is a part of life, for better or for worse.
Regarding the second part- was my friendship with those people true? Of course it was, depends on how you define ‘true’. Does it mean ‘unswerving’, then nope, never. But if it means that even after two-three years of not really being in touch, your face still lights up with elation at the thought of talking to them; you feel the same way you used to when you were with them, amongst them; you once again feel what it means to be really happy, without any worries or superficialities, not the adulterated happiness which one often experiences nowadays but genuine happiness….then our friendship sure is true. Then why do I say that it wasn’t true to some extent? Because both the sides, me and them, got preoccupied and lost. Both became so deeply engrossed in their new lifestyle that somewhere down the line, we drifted away. I am not modest enough to inculpate it all on myself; I say both were at fault, or rather, like I always say to console myself- “Some things are inevitable”.
I realized one more thing. These people whom I am talking about, they might not have been my best or closest friends, but they were friends no doubt. I have shared some beautiful memories with these people. But I was foolish enough to make an effort for those whom I call “best” friends but not for these people. I will not generalize because I don’t know what you all do? But I know about myself that I discriminated between friends in a way, didn’t I? My law friends (where I belong now!) might say it is a “reasonable classification” (for those who didn’t understand, it’s a lawyer thing!) but life is not some legislation, no rules, no laws. This is life! And friends are those people who make life worth living (but of course, after family). In today’s world, practicality is inculcated in us to such deep extents that all our decisions, our thoughts are guided by it. Perhaps that is why we blow the concept of “moving on” and “accepting the change” out of proportion and do not even try to keep those things together which can easily be preserved, like friends. I kept my close friends under my eye, but lost touch of the others. And its not a very conscious mistake which we make. It just happens. What is needed is that we be conscious of not letting it happen. We make a mistake thinking that friends are substitutable, but they are not. No person is. Not even the jerk from school who made you realize how much hatred abodes in you. You might find new ones no doubt, and they might even be better (or worse in case of the jerks) but they are not the ones whom you have left behind. We fool ourselves for some time thinking that we sail new seas now. But how can we forget that the river from which we emanate is what makes the sea? That river in which we flew till now is still there, the only difference is- the sea which we now call ours is made up of many rivers put together.
There are days when you are fully content with the change, fully happy in the moment; with your new life; with new people. But these instants are interspersed by moments where you remember all that you have left behind, and it is in these times that you simply wish you could have one day…..just one day in the past!!
I spent the morning chatting with a friend who is still in touch with me, but that gave the day a start so it counts. It felt like the old times, when we used to chat about the various comedy shoes that come on TV and laugh over them. We were laughing just like the old times, with only one difference, we could not see or hear each other laughing. Then I scrapped some of the really long lost friends, my immediate seniors from school whom I was closer to than most people from my own batch. It was more of a monologue (scrap you see!) because apparently it seems that in these three years they have forgotten me as much as I might seem to have forgotten them. I can still remember that it was this lot who taught me how to have fun, how to enjoy each day as it comes. The hours at a stretch in the Reading Room (where people did everything except for read). But alas, it all seems to have buried down the sands of time. Things have changed so much, no contact for almost 3 years. But I realized, maybe not them, at least I can make an initiative. I managed to have a scrap chat with one of my first senior friends, with whom I had had some great times. Further into the day, I added probably one of my oldest school friends on gtalk (yep, he wasn’t there on the list till now because in school we never used these IMs). We were like the academic buds, discussing everything before the exams and giving each other solace for the exorbitantly large syllabi. We chatted for some time and then decided to meet up (not that I hadn’t met him in the last two years, but still, it felt like a new start). All in all, its still just the afternoon, and it already feels like a “day in the past”, that past which made me what I am today, that past which is filled with memories enough to make me smile for a lifetime (oh k! that was sheer exaggeration but you get the idea!)
As the day progressed, I sat thinking about what college life had done to me. It had made me drift away from those people with whom I used to spend hours at a stretch at a point of time. They are the people with whom I have genuinely had the best time of my life (so far). They are the people who have seen me grow to become what I am today. There was a point of time when you somehow just expect that you’d forever stick together. They say that true friendship stands the test of time, but honestly does it? So I raised a question before myself-is it the saying that’s wrong or is my friendship with these people not true?
And the answer I found within myself- a little of both. The saying is wrong because no relationship remains unaltered unless you make an effort. I am not saying that you lose friends. Not at all. But things change. You might be the best of friends in school but if you fail to make an effort to talk or stay in touch for three long years, things change. If you’re lucky then probably you’re still friends, but it’s not the same. Probably it will get the same again if you stay in touch from now on: but then again, it needs an effort. So it all comes down to this I guess- true friendship stands the test of time provided you make an effort for it to stand. Else, it will never stay the same, it will inevitably change. Change of course is a part of life, for better or for worse.
Regarding the second part- was my friendship with those people true? Of course it was, depends on how you define ‘true’. Does it mean ‘unswerving’, then nope, never. But if it means that even after two-three years of not really being in touch, your face still lights up with elation at the thought of talking to them; you feel the same way you used to when you were with them, amongst them; you once again feel what it means to be really happy, without any worries or superficialities, not the adulterated happiness which one often experiences nowadays but genuine happiness….then our friendship sure is true. Then why do I say that it wasn’t true to some extent? Because both the sides, me and them, got preoccupied and lost. Both became so deeply engrossed in their new lifestyle that somewhere down the line, we drifted away. I am not modest enough to inculpate it all on myself; I say both were at fault, or rather, like I always say to console myself- “Some things are inevitable”.
I realized one more thing. These people whom I am talking about, they might not have been my best or closest friends, but they were friends no doubt. I have shared some beautiful memories with these people. But I was foolish enough to make an effort for those whom I call “best” friends but not for these people. I will not generalize because I don’t know what you all do? But I know about myself that I discriminated between friends in a way, didn’t I? My law friends (where I belong now!) might say it is a “reasonable classification” (for those who didn’t understand, it’s a lawyer thing!) but life is not some legislation, no rules, no laws. This is life! And friends are those people who make life worth living (but of course, after family). In today’s world, practicality is inculcated in us to such deep extents that all our decisions, our thoughts are guided by it. Perhaps that is why we blow the concept of “moving on” and “accepting the change” out of proportion and do not even try to keep those things together which can easily be preserved, like friends. I kept my close friends under my eye, but lost touch of the others. And its not a very conscious mistake which we make. It just happens. What is needed is that we be conscious of not letting it happen. We make a mistake thinking that friends are substitutable, but they are not. No person is. Not even the jerk from school who made you realize how much hatred abodes in you. You might find new ones no doubt, and they might even be better (or worse in case of the jerks) but they are not the ones whom you have left behind. We fool ourselves for some time thinking that we sail new seas now. But how can we forget that the river from which we emanate is what makes the sea? That river in which we flew till now is still there, the only difference is- the sea which we now call ours is made up of many rivers put together.
There are days when you are fully content with the change, fully happy in the moment; with your new life; with new people. But these instants are interspersed by moments where you remember all that you have left behind, and it is in these times that you simply wish you could have one day…..just one day in the past!!
7 comments:
so true... u tend to drift away from ur school frnz after u join colg...because like u said it takes efforts to keep it goin...and with colg frnz its never the same thing... i noe people who stil after 2 years havnt been able to make gud frnz in colg... but that is like holding onto ur past and expecting things to always remain the same...when life afterall is all about change...
Erm.. Somethings I noticed:
1. When observing from a bird's eye view, things are never so clear. So as long as you are making observations, it is best to make them when you are right in the middle of the observables. Detaching yourself from a situation and then observing leads to specious conclusions.
2. Whether or not you are friends with someone, should not be judged on the basis of how much time you spend talking to them. You seem to have understood this but you still give a priority to conversations. People will always run out of conversations, inevitably. There is only so much one can say.
3. Clinging to the past is reassuring and gratifying. But its just that - Clinging. Word defines desperation. What we all had in school, our school being the awesome school that it was, was an illusion. It holds just as true as you want it to be. Whatever friends you made can be looked upon as something you imposed on yourself giving in to the spatio-temporal circumstances. Diametrically opposite is the point of view which suggests that the friends you made were for life and the circumstances changed.
There is more to it and you will figure it out yourself. I get tired of typing quite easily :)
Nicely done.
@ Prashant: he he..thanks for the input..i appreciate it..but you seem to have understood the entire crux of the post wrong..there is a difference between conversation and being in touch..all things die out if left unattended..of course friendship is blessed in so much that it doesn't die out probably, but definitely changes!..and musing over what you had and what you've left behind is not clinging..clinging would have been refusing to move on..but here, rather, one seems to have moved on a bit too far..and as for perspective, this entire thing dawned on me only once after i was faced with the realization that I might have been a bit too practical and not bothered to keep alive those friendships that were at one point of time my mundane relations..
newase..like i said..i appreciate your input..each man for himself i guess!
Adhi true friendship need not and might nit last forever. There r too many factors. Like I mentioned in a post some time bak, u can jus grow out of touch, shift away, get married and find no time etc etc.. Doesn't mean u dint have smth special sometime.. Like I said.. Friends are impermenant but its wat u make out oif the time u have that counnts. And its obv upto both parties to continue as they were/are... Its sad I can connect.. I'm not in contact with as many as I'd like to be...
@ Divya: Well, its true..true friendship really need not last forever..but this post is more about what one could have done..newase..thats all gone..like i said in this post itself..ive decided to live in the present, and make an effort now..i of course cherish the beautiful moments spent with my friends, and i intend to revive them..as far as possible..and what is beyond repair, like we always say: "lets move on!"
hey its all so true..each and every word u wrote.When u move on in life, new bonds are made at the cost of the old ones.The old ones break away coz u were too preoccupied to make efforts to hold things together...Only if the initiative was taken, things would have been different.I find myself in the same situation today as i m leavin my college..All gung ho about leaving but deep inside scared coz maybe the imprints will be lost if i dont take the initiative to preserve them.
@ Swati: Glad you liked it..and welcome to the newest reader of my blog! :)
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