Lap top?!..

I had noticed this thing earlier but it never incurred to me like this. So yesterday when I was just generally surfing the net in my typical way, keeping the lap top on my bed, after I was done as soon as I picked up ma laptop, I realized that it was burning hot at its fundament, so much so that even the bedsheet felt like it had been freshly ironed. And that is when it struck me. Aren't laptos supposed to be used on our laps?! So what is this, some sort of a cospiracy? I mean if they really ARE supposed to be kept on your lap, then howcome they are so damn hot at that very place which would be ON our laps. Do they wanna burn us or something? And that is when I realized that I have placed my pally at every possible place, the bed, the table, the ground, even haning mid air at times with the meagre support of my hands, but never on my lap!! Ironical, isnt it? But the interesting thing is, it seems as though it was made never to be placed on your lap. Reaons? Many. Firstly because my laptop one of those sad HP Pavilion notebooks who's screen won't bend beyond a certain level (which level, by the way, is rather uncomfortable) so its virtually impossibe to keep it on yor lap and look at the screen at the same time. It's like Heisenberg's uncertainity principle, either you can keep it on your lap OR you can look at the screen with full certainity, to be able to do both fully is IMPOSSIBLE. Secondly, the burning base. I mean I'm pretty sure that if I keep my so called 'lap'top on my lap for more than 5 minutes, I'd end up cautereizing (I like exaggeration, so please don't mind) my sexy thighs (see...exaggeration!). Thirdly, if one actually tries it, it is damn uncomfprtable to use the mouse-pad if the laptop is actuallt on your lap. You inevitably have to tilt the lappy to make the experience more comfy.

Hmm..I seriously wonder if lap tops were EVER meant to be placed on laps??!!

A pair of additional eyes, the newest member of my life....

Ever since I was in the 9th standard, I had been having these headaches which were very peculiar in their nature. So my dad, like a good concerned father, took me to the eye specialist thinking, like every one else does, that the most standard cause of a headache is a poor eyesight. The doctor after the test came to the conclusion that my eyesight was just fine. So I move on with my leave and so does he, and so do the headaches until recently I realized that their frequency has been ever-increasing. So finally after so many years I go to the doc two days ago, again and this time unfortunately he surrenders to the cosmological plan and breaks it to my parents that I need specs..I mean ME!! How? When? What the.....!! The sky seemed to collide on me! Poor me, unsuspecting, unaware of this destiny that I will have to wear specs some day. The doctor sensing my anxiety quickly said I think he more wanted to save me the embarrassment of yelling out in agony in front of the tens of patients waiting to be inspected), "Don't worry, its a very minute number and who knows, in an year or so it might even get reduced." I found solace in these words (though very little) and went home with a gloomy face. My parents bribed me with everything possible to make me smile. I of course, took all the bribes but decided still not to smile for some time till my sister called from abroad to tell him that specs are not hat big a deal and my mom lying without her fingers crossed that "I'm sure you'll look adorable in them!" So finally i managed to conjure up a smile and decided that if I'm getting something, I damn well be exited about it even if it is my ticket to chasmish-dome. So we all go to the opticians shop to buy a pair. And I must admit, he was a damn fine salesmen cos he simply refused to show anything simple (which in their language is bland or out of fashion) and wouldn't show anything reasonably priced. Cheap specs was a thing unknown to him it seemed. He kept insisting that my age requires fashion and kept coming up with "Nothing but the best for beta ji". He managed to blackmail my parents into proving their love for me by buying the best quality that he has. I of course intervened at this point and decided to go for something neither exorbitantly expensive nor something cheap. Finally I picked one. Have to go and collect it this evening. Hmm...but my mind has been on this for quite some time now. I try to evaluate my options, the pros and cons of this new a member of my life.

Pros:
1) Considering the way I look, anything that manages to shield the world from the torture of directly looking at me might help. So that solves my problem. And everyone who saw me creating a scene at the opticians shop, fussing over which pair to pick, said that I look really good in specs (though I somehow think that was only to make me get over with it quickly so that they all might get their chance with the shopkeeper). So there we go, hah! At least I look cute. On this my friend swordfishH (yep, dont forget the H lest you'll face her wrath) that if these specs are a part of my face for just one year I better trick a girl into becoming my GF cos as per her, with my natural looks, ints impossible (Damn you Sarkar! I look good ok. :P)

2) I sincerely believe that specs add to your intellectual look. So now people will see me as an intelligent, sophisticated and well behaved chap. I better start acting so though, you know, just to match up with the look).

3) Adding to the above point, somehow I've always felt that specs give you an authority and people tend to take you seriously. Hah! now mess with me!

I know what all I said above might not be absolutely true, but hey..let the kid have his peace.

Cons:
1) they suck! sob sob..ill have somthing hung on my face!!

2) The first few days are a pain. Why you ask? wel duh, firstly cos people do not so much as even try to refrain from bursting into fits of laughter on looking at you. Secondly, its not really a walk in the park to get accustomed to having something on your face. Thirdly, now i cant call others chasmish ever (not that i ever have, but I would have liked to have my options open).

3) Well, no more being mister "I can go around bumping into things", no more being clumsy..Because the moment I become clumsy and fall off or something, my specs mught just break.

4) Worst of all. One more thing to take care of. I mean what if I lose it or something like keep losing all my stationary.

5) They suck..oh sorry! did i already mention it! ;)

Times flying by....wheres my baby!?

So the other day I just realized that time is really flying by for me..I mean before I even know it I'll be 20 (sighh..there goes my Teenage!) and then one year from then and I'll be 21 (I know I know..you all know your Maths, but its for the effect), the legal age to get married or even adopt. The mention of this adopt thing has a very interesting reason to it. I mean don't you all just love babies! We all do! I toh for one have wanted a baby ever since I was a baby myself I think. They are the cutest things that ever crawled the Earth you know! But the problem is, I'm running out of time. I mean I've had zero relationships so far (not even so much as a fling), and the way things are going I'm apprehensive about being on my way to becoming that old Pantaloon who stays all by himself in a suburb and the neighbourhood kids come and ring his doorbell and then run away and he comes out and yells randomly at trees and dogs and birds...sigh! (Talk about having a bright future!).

And above all, how will I ever have a kid like this (I mean I know the HOW..umm..but with whom and when?), you know someone to call Junior (though I never would call him junior..its the worst name one could address their kid by)..So then I decided that in case I never find someone, I'll adopt. I only need to wait like an year and a half now to be of legal age to adopt.

But then how could the kid stay without a mother? A kid definitely needs a mother! So my second option was tricking someone to marry me and then having a kid. On this my friend K had a rather repulsive thing to say, "You mean you'll trick her, knock her off!!, and then desert her running away with the child". Of course not! Now that I have married her, I'd be loyal and stay with her and live the perfect life and all. The only difference is that my ultimate motive behind marrying her would have been the kid. Because if I start looking for someone from the simple perspective of marrying her, there are a zillion flaws which I manage to point out in every single girl I've ever seen. Once I change my perspective (you know from "I want a wife" to "Now I just want a mother for my child") the only thing that I'll have to look for is a perfect gene pool. She doesn't have to be perfect anymore (unlike when I think from the "I want a wife" perspective), she just has to be a gene pool which includes great looks, high moral tone, smart, good to talk to, talented (at least as much as I am), intelligent (again..beat me at least!), sound medical history, etc. etc., which is Almost Perfect, but hey! What the hell, at least I've come down from perfect to the almost.

Theres one more reason why the sooner I have a kid, the better it is! You see, I want to give my kid the maximum time, the maximum luxury, the maximum happiness and above all, the best upbringing, you know with perfect morals and all (those who know me well would know). Now for that I need to be able to give them my best till the time they are old enough to look after themselves. So if I do not have one by the time I'm 30, I'll be 50 when they're just 20. I would be old, but they would still be not fit to cater to themselves (ask me, I'm almost 20, I know! 20 is definitely not the age when one feels ready to take care of himself). How is that ever gonna work out?! (Panic!) So that leaves me with only 10 years and 6 months to find the girl, make a baby and nurture him/her nicely or simple adopt (hah! now you tell me which one seems easier!) So may be I should have a plan ready. If I do not find anyone by the time I am, lets say, 27, then I go in for adoption and then marry someone later on (of course someone who I'm sure won't be an evil step mom).

And while we're at it, if I have a child after marriage, then toh I can't really help it, son or daughter, so would be happy with any. But if I adopt, has to be a daughter. Dont know why? I guess its always like this: Women want sons and Men want daughters.

Phew! There we go! That seems planned!..I wonder if its because of these things that people say I think obsessively..We'll see about that when I'm nicely with my kid and the others are too late..hoo haa haa haa....newase....baby, here i come!

Cheese up!

I was just reminded of three of the cheesiest pick-up lines I've ever heard. Before I say any further, I find it pertinent to tell all of you that I came across them on Television, so don't blame me for the content.

1) A guy saying to a girl:

"Madam, I am your only Adam!"

I mean what?! Its old, its tacky and its sure to make the girl either run away or slap him right there on the face (and if really unlucky, then maybe a kick in the...)

2) This is by far the most hilarious I've heard. This was apparently used by a rather aunty-ish lady on John Abr. (so he says, on Koffee with Karan). The aunty (I like calling her that) comes up to him, gives an ineffectual seductive smile and says with a wink:

"I wanna go for a ride, and I don't mean your bike!"

Woaaah! Where did it even come from? Its one thing being innovative, but its another being, well, plain and simple sleazy. I can just imagine. The poor clueless John sipping his drink away to glory in a bar (where by the way, I think the entire incident took place) and comes this aunty to the hapless unsuspecting fellow and drops this bomb.

Now the interesting question is how do you think he would have reacted. My guesses are:

"umm..no thanks..I'm out of fuel"

or "umm..may be some other day..it's a bit...rusty abhi"

or a plain and simple "No thanks, I prefer riding alone"

[;) They always said I was good with puns!]

3) There's a third one also, but its beyond the scope of this blog..so if anyone wants to know it..too bad! just switch on the TV and sit waiting for it to Cheese up!

One day in the past....

June 24, 2008; 2:00 PM: Today was almost like a day in the past. Why you ask? Well, because after ages I had some sort of interaction with all those people, who at one point of time were my routine companions.

I spent the morning chatting with a friend who is still in touch with me, but that gave the day a start so it counts. It felt like the old times, when we used to chat about the various comedy shoes that come on TV and laugh over them. We were laughing just like the old times, with only one difference, we could not see or hear each other laughing. Then I scrapped some of the really long lost friends, my immediate seniors from school whom I was closer to than most people from my own batch. It was more of a monologue (scrap you see!) because apparently it seems that in these three years they have forgotten me as much as I might seem to have forgotten them. I can still remember that it was this lot who taught me how to have fun, how to enjoy each day as it comes. The hours at a stretch in the Reading Room (where people did everything except for read). But alas, it all seems to have buried down the sands of time. Things have changed so much, no contact for almost 3 years. But I realized, maybe not them, at least I can make an initiative. I managed to have a scrap chat with one of my first senior friends, with whom I had had some great times. Further into the day, I added probably one of my oldest school friends on gtalk (yep, he wasn’t there on the list till now because in school we never used these IMs). We were like the academic buds, discussing everything before the exams and giving each other solace for the exorbitantly large syllabi. We chatted for some time and then decided to meet up (not that I hadn’t met him in the last two years, but still, it felt like a new start). All in all, its still just the afternoon, and it already feels like a “day in the past”, that past which made me what I am today, that past which is filled with memories enough to make me smile for a lifetime (oh k! that was sheer exaggeration but you get the idea!)

As the day progressed, I sat thinking about what college life had done to me. It had made me drift away from those people with whom I used to spend hours at a stretch at a point of time. They are the people with whom I have genuinely had the best time of my life (so far). They are the people who have seen me grow to become what I am today. There was a point of time when you somehow just expect that you’d forever stick together. They say that true friendship stands the test of time, but honestly does it? So I raised a question before myself-is it the saying that’s wrong or is my friendship with these people not true?

And the answer I found within myself- a little of both. The saying is wrong because no relationship remains unaltered unless you make an effort. I am not saying that you lose friends. Not at all. But things change. You might be the best of friends in school but if you fail to make an effort to talk or stay in touch for three long years, things change. If you’re lucky then probably you’re still friends, but it’s not the same. Probably it will get the same again if you stay in touch from now on: but then again, it needs an effort. So it all comes down to this I guess- true friendship stands the test of time provided you make an effort for it to stand. Else, it will never stay the same, it will inevitably change. Change of course is a part of life, for better or for worse.

Regarding the second part- was my friendship with those people true? Of course it was, depends on how you define ‘true’. Does it mean ‘unswerving’, then nope, never. But if it means that even after two-three years of not really being in touch, your face still lights up with elation at the thought of talking to them; you feel the same way you used to when you were with them, amongst them; you once again feel what it means to be really happy, without any worries or superficialities, not the adulterated happiness which one often experiences nowadays but genuine happiness….then our friendship sure is true. Then why do I say that it wasn’t true to some extent? Because both the sides, me and them, got preoccupied and lost. Both became so deeply engrossed in their new lifestyle that somewhere down the line, we drifted away. I am not modest enough to inculpate it all on myself; I say both were at fault, or rather, like I always say to console myself- “Some things are inevitable”.

I realized one more thing. These people whom I am talking about, they might not have been my best or closest friends, but they were friends no doubt. I have shared some beautiful memories with these people. But I was foolish enough to make an effort for those whom I call “best” friends but not for these people. I will not generalize because I don’t know what you all do? But I know about myself that I discriminated between friends in a way, didn’t I? My law friends (where I belong now!) might say it is a “reasonable classification” (for those who didn’t understand, it’s a lawyer thing!) but life is not some legislation, no rules, no laws. This is life! And friends are those people who make life worth living (but of course, after family). In today’s world, practicality is inculcated in us to such deep extents that all our decisions, our thoughts are guided by it. Perhaps that is why we blow the concept of “moving on” and “accepting the change” out of proportion and do not even try to keep those things together which can easily be preserved, like friends. I kept my close friends under my eye, but lost touch of the others. And its not a very conscious mistake which we make. It just happens. What is needed is that we be conscious of not letting it happen. We make a mistake thinking that friends are substitutable, but they are not. No person is. Not even the jerk from school who made you realize how much hatred abodes in you. You might find new ones no doubt, and they might even be better (or worse in case of the jerks) but they are not the ones whom you have left behind. We fool ourselves for some time thinking that we sail new seas now. But how can we forget that the river from which we emanate is what makes the sea? That river in which we flew till now is still there, the only difference is- the sea which we now call ours is made up of many rivers put together.

There are days when you are fully content with the change, fully happy in the moment; with your new life; with new people. But these instants are interspersed by moments where you remember all that you have left behind, and it is in these times that you simply wish you could have one day…..just one day in the past!!

Better off off-line!...

My friend Divi met Brick on the internet and they eventually became the best of friends (more like e-brother and sister if I’m not wrong). So the other day when I found out about this thing at Brick’s blog, I was amazed. Not that Divi hadn’t ever mentioned it to me. But at that time, it somehow didn’t strike me like this. So I told Brick that this entire notion of meeting people and becoming friends with them over the internet is kinda creepy for me. And I set to wonder why. I mean what IS the harm in making friends over the internet? Why is it that I for some strange reason have never been able to think that it is very much possible for one to find a good friend in an e-companion?

Possibility No. 1: Having stayed all your life in an over-protected environment, you have always been told by the distrustful lot (who, surprisingly you don not even remember, they were) not to ever have reliance on anything that is electronic, be it the E-mail or the E-banking or the EEnternet (he he).

Possibility No. 2: Just when you’ve turned adolescent and feel that you are finally ready to interact with people over the internet and you open your first mail account on Yahoo, you hear about this really great thing called chatting in school. So you go about exploring it thinking you would bump into nice people who would probably have nice things to talk about. A silly friend at school tells you to go join chat rooms where people discuss nice stuff. But just when you thought it’s gonna be fun, you somehow end up bumping only into maniacs who can’t stop discussing sex even in a chat room titled “India Speaks”. You try to get out of there as soon as possible, but your pace is slowed down by random chat windows incessantly popping up on your screen with people asking only a single question: “ASL?”. You wonder whatever happened to the good old word “Hi” but somehow manage to get out. You log off and secretly decide never to go on chat rooms again.

Possibility No. 3: You’re soaring your way through your teens and decide to be a little optimistic about the internet. But then you hear of cases all across where people who used e-accounts and e-banking have been robbed off of all their money. The distrustful lot (remember? The ones whom I cant remember? Yah! They’re the ones I’m talking about) make full use of these deplorable examples to inculcate a secret fear of the people whom one can meet online.
And if that were not enough, you come across this news article about people hooking up online and deciding to meet up under the impression that the other one will have the same “asl” as he/she proclaimed, only to be disappointed and robbed or mistreated by some stranger who was nothing compared to what they had imagined. You conveniently presume that everyone who decides to talk to people on the internet is a desperate freak, who will surely lie about his/her specifications only to trap you into meeting him/her one day and kidnapping you to be thrown off on some non-existent island where you’d be forced to beg or be eaten alive (if you’re lucky).

Possibility No. 4: You reach the latter half of your teens and hear of this cool community called orkut. Ignoring the discouraging voices of the distrustful lot (C’mon, I don’t need to tell you every time?) in your head, you decide to check it out and join in. So while randomly looking up at your friends’ profiles you find a weird similarity between the profiles of all those friends of yours who happen to be girls. They all seem to be having strange obtuse scraps from random guys reading nothing more than, “You hot, I likes, me good, want to be friendship”. Your first reaction is to thank your parents for sending you to a school where they made it a point to teach grammar along with the words (unlike in these cases). You feel this momentary sympathy for female kind because such desperate losers are found only amongst guys and you thank Mother Nature for making you a guy (Luckily, girls are almost never such freaks). You seek apologies from the distrustful lot hovering in your head (now giving you a victorious smirk in the “I told you” fashion) and decide that while on orkut, you would use it only to stay in touch with those whom you already know and never make new friends there.
You officially come to the conclusion that everyone who goes on the internet is either highly desperate or highly stupid.

Possibility No. 5: As you sit watching TV one day, you come across this News channel X (which has now become famous for being the news channel which sensationalizes almost everything, even a crow in Mumbai city!!) in which a scary man tells you how people who go in for online matrimonial sites get fooled in some way or the other.

Possibility No. 6: On top of everything else, the distrustful lot (They just keep coming back! Darmit! Who the hell are these people?) somehow convince you that internet surfing is an addiction as they gossip about how the only reason for a certain couple, Mr. and Mrs. X’s phone bill being exorbitant was because their son sat online watching porn all day. You, being the nice cultured chap you always thought you are, make up your mind never to be a slave to the internet and never to trust anyone whom you come across over the internet.

Changed Scenario: June 21, 2008; 4:00 PM: You sit thinking that may be you were wrong (but only a little bit!). The distrustful lot does not haunt you anymore. You have now grown up and you realize that it might be true that one cannot be too sure of whom to interact with on the internet but you don’t need to be scared or anything because not EVERYONE is a freak there. You should be open to the idea that there might, just might (I’m still not too optimistic) be good people there also. So you grow out of the absolutely negative notion (now its just plain and simple negative..but hey! At least there’s an improvement) and realize that internet is not a parallel universe with strange creatures roaming around (which you thought till now) but it is made up of humans after all (of course at the same time not forgetting that a lot many of them ARE still freaks..but again! improvement at least). All thanks to two people: Thank you Divi and Sukrit.

Mundane (ly) talks-Part1....

P1: They’re crazy. How could they EVER compare me to Monica. She's a girl, and a freak at that too!

P2 You ARE a Monica! A male version that’s all.

P1: Well then its not a Monica anymore is it?....O ya? Tell me one thing in me which is akin to her.

P2: Hah! One?!

P1 (Furious): She’s a freak. She’s paranoid about everything.

P2: So are you. Think about it. She’s a perfectionist, so are you.

P1: I’m not a perfectionist.

P2: Chuckle…… (yep, that’s all P1 got as a reply)

P1: You appall me! She’s a pain.

P2: Must you hear it from me? Have you ever seen yourself when you go about telling people how things should be and how they shouldn’t. I mean who comments on the way people serve water for christ’s sake!

P1: Well, we all need to have basic skills.

P2: Ahhh yes! And knowing how to serve food is a quintessential skill. And you say I appall YOU? OK, what about your obsession for organizing things?

P1: Oh k, THAT I never do. I’m not obsessed about neatness or organization. Just basic order that’s all, which, by the way, everyone wants.

P2: Hah! Have you ever seen yourself fuss?

P1: Fuss?! Me?! What are you talking about?!

P2: Hmmmpphh….! Fine! I give up! Now stop showing me those Monica eyes!

Little THIS Sunshine!

So the other day as I was impatiently standing in the bus eagerly waiting to get back to the guest house where I’m putting up, I got this thought. There are so many things in life which are so small and yet they give us such immense pleasure and happiness. He he. It reminds of this particular Shaktiman dialogue: “chhoti chhoti magar moti baatein” (or something like that. I wouldn’t know. My friend told me. Courtesy: Snigdho). It means things which are very small but which mean a lot. Or for that matter the famous Hindi proverb “Gaagar mein Saagar”. And isn’t it so damn true. I mean think about it. There are so many things which are like minuscule but which can make life worth living. So here is my list of some of those things which if we look at in the broader perspective, seem very small and insignificant, but which give us a lifetime of pleasure at those moments, a pleasure which is literally beyond compare:

1. Finding a bathroom when you have been wanting to pee from like ages: isn’t it absolutely heavenly. C’mon now. Own up. You know it is!
2. Highly contextual. When you have been waiting for that stupid DTC bus from half and hour and you’re late and tired and its about to rain and there, just when you were planning to take an auto instead, you see it down the horizon. Ahhh! Sheer elation I tell you.
3. Hmm, don’t now how many would share this one. But supposed there’s a project submission the next day and you somehow couldn’t finish (which happens rarely but still, it can happen!) or whatever and just when you had given up hope, the electricity goes out and it doesn’t come back till early morning and the backchods of the batch bug the professor to death and manage to get an extension. Yey! My GPA is saved!
4. That first monsoon rain (especially if you live in Jaipur) when you rush to the terrace with your sibling and get drenched and when your parents come back from office in the evening, after a little scolding session for getting wet, you all get to have hot tea and pakoras in the porch (especially if its summer vacation time!
5. That journey in the train back home after the end terms! Ahh! This one is surely beyond compare! The anticipation is simply exhilarating.
6. Umm..ok..this toh I know definitely a lot of people won’t share, but every time your result comes out after the end terms!
7. Long drives with your family.
8. Spending the entire evening trying to cook a special dinner for your parents’ anniversary while they are away just to see that expression of half amusement-half bewilderment on their face when they return.
9. Getting those calls from your friends at 12.15 AM on your birthday just when you thought they won’t call.
10. The first time you take out the quilt and cuddle under it when the winter has just dawned.

Mumbai-aaaaah! Part III:Roll-a-coast-Er!

My third week down, I was much more comfortable with the ‘city of dreams’. I had grown to enjoy the solitary walks at marine drive, the backpacking throughout the city, the breezy rides in the local trains standing by the exit, the occasional rude interjections in my mundane travelling routine when the train was spilling out people, but above all, I had started enjoying Mumbai as a city.

Ahem ahem! I find it imperative to mention here that my age old belief in everything happening for a reason came to be re-instated in my mind, only more vigorous. It so happened that I had nicely come to Mumbai under the wrong impression that all my Mumbai friends would be there, but not even a single one was there (not even the school time pals! Can you imagine? Everyone had to go in those exact weeks?) This made me, like I already said, re-discover myself. And although I whined and sulked in the beginning, but by the end of the 3^rd week, I realized that I probably wouldn’t have had such a time (good or bad) had all of them been there, and I liked what I had gone through. We rarely get opportunities to experience such days.

So anyway, Divi and Ambi had come back by now and we planned a day out. Me and Divi had already spent a day of fulto (is that how you spell it?) masti the previous day and we were all looking forward to the Sunday when we’d go to Essel World (sighhh!. Mistake again!). Mistake why? I’ll tell you why! I went to Essel World with probably the most opposite-minded people ever! On one side I had Miss Crazy: thrilled to risk her life for the fun of going upside down on a ride, and on the other, Miss Chinky (won’t you agree girls? Ambi was looking rather chinky that day!): wouldn’t so much as get close to those rides fearing they’d render her (and all co-riders) infertile (ha ha ha ha..rotfl..it still makes me burst out) but would rather die of a craving for every possible food item available in the entire park (seriously, every 2 minutes ambi!), though she won’t even eat that much! Not that I’m much of a Bond myself!

So there we go to Essel World. Firstly, the wait for the ferry was like eternal. It just refused to come! And on top of that, that place funnily stinks of fish/or prawn/or whatever it is which these two uncongenial companions couldn’t even sense. Then finally we reach the island and look forward to what turned out to be the most excitingly boring day!

The moment we stepped foot in, Divi went crazy for the crazy rides. She wanted an undertaking signed by both of us saying: “we shall not chicken out of any ride and will accompany this crazy freak to ALL the rides”! I mean ALL?! She has to be crazy! Then of course, her love for us and her considerate nature and our excellent bargaining skills brought us down to moderate rides being ridden together and it was conveniently decided that she will have our full support, from a safe distance away from the ride of course, as she plans to risk her staying intact. We wanted a warm-up, so we went on this silly zig-zag going planes. I was made to sit alone for the first one. It was ok!

Then a few more rides and finally Divi reaches her dream ride. The Thunder! And above all, she somehow expected US to go on it with her! Ha ha! Nice one! She kept insisting saying that it goes round only once and you know, the usual crap! Well, little did she know that going upside down is the only thing it does. It must have taken them round like a dozen times. We watched as she went into the darkness and the ride started. And soon enough, I was thanking my lucky starts I hadnt fallen for Divi’s drama (and as it turns, so was she cos she knew very well that had I gone with her on that one, then if I manage to ever get out alive, she won’t!). We watched horrified as she went up n down n up again. It was kinda tough to make out her expression with her franticly moving hair covering her face. But the expressions of the others were worth the sight. Half of them were the crazy breed (you know, the Divi types) who were laughing out and yelling with joy with their bodies vainly protesting by turning red. But the other half made staying out worth it. One could easily make out that half of that half were already seeing flashes of their entire life while the other half was clinging to the hope of god getting them out alive. It seemed to last forever. And after that, when divi came, she was walking zigzag and yet beaming! (Crazy I tell you!)

Then came the best experience. We sat on this particular ride which again had some sort of planes going crazy and I sat with Ambi. The ride started and so did she! She must have covered almost all the things which she wants to do before dying, yelling them out at the top of her lungs. And when that didn’t help, she found the best solution in continuously blaming the ride for turning the world infertile and how she would sue them for depriving her of the pleasure of making love if she turned out to be one of it’s victims. You know it’s funny how in life-threatening situations, a person’s true inner desires come out. As it turns out, hers was to get married and produce a battalion of bambus! In the middle of the ride she was even ready to compromise the choice of husband and was trying to barter a good-looking husband in return of her life from her fate!

The rest of the day turned out to be rather uneventful compared to the extreme action that had gone. Of course not to forget, ambi acting drunk n crazy on the crazy cups (they DO work I guess!) and me n Divi making an absolute fool of ourselves on the ice-skating rink while Ambi nicely glided around.

By 4:00 we were so damn bugged that we decided to call it a day (already!), went back and the last sight which all the others on the ferry must have seen was three idiots sleeping away to glory in bright afternoon as the rest enjoyed the nice cut through the sea!

Mumbai-aaaaaaah! Part II: on the TRACK!

Oh k! Time for part 2 people! This happened on my first Friday in Mumbai! A colleague of mine insisted that now that we have set out together, I might as well accompany him in the train rather than going by a taxi! Background: I had been traveling by taxi all this time; lucky enough for me the place where I was staying was very close to the railway station and my destination was just the next station. That’s why my Mumbaiya friends very strongly object to me claiming that I went through the torture of the Mumbai trains. As per them traveling on such short routes doesn't qualify (:P). So anyway, that was my first rendezvous with a local train.

So we stepped into the church gate railway station, he guided me to the ticket counter (him being a pass holder) and I qued-up. An observation here: If any one gets irritated by people breaking the que and entering the line randomly, then Mumbai local train ticket counters are not for you. Of course, there are a few rather brave souls who try to object in indignation (me being one of them for the first 2 weeks) but the fate of their words is the same as that of our petitions on the ears of the administrators (who administrators is only for the few who understood this statement to get). But honestly, it wasn’t so bad at all. I mean it was much better than what I had expected. The entire ticket taking process barely took 5 minutes. So then we set for the platform. Rather big let me tell you. Never knew that local stations could be so magnificent (I had not seen VT till then). As I always say, lady luck has always been rather generous on me. The trains in our route were never packed, as they call it. Once or twice I did complain about extreme physical proximity between passengers, but as it turns out (again the source being my dear Mumbai friends): that does not even qualify as packed! We conveniently got nice places to sit (oh k, let me take back the nice.. we just got places to sit). I of course sat on the window seat and the only thing that I could focus on throughout the journey (which was only about 5 minutes again) were the rather silly posters that graced the side walls of the compartment. One particularly funny one read (and before I tell you what it said, it is imperative that I tell you it was handwritten on a rather shabby paper): “Want a job?!.. Earn Rs. 1,00,000 per month.. come and join us” .. and then a telephone number. Why I found this advertisement a funny piece of literature is something too obvious for me to disclose. And then of course the one that amused me the most read: “sharab chudayen, sharabi ko bina batayen” (meaning: make someone quit alcohol without even letting that person know). How the hell do they plan to do it?! I must admit, I was rather curious about that! My guess is they plan to tell you: “Give him coke instead of liquor when he asks for it..or hide away all the bottles and pretend as if you don’t know a thing.”

So that was my first train journey, unusually nice and comfortable. In fact, I must admit, I have become an ardent appreciator of the Mumbai local trains. If you ask me, I’d say that they are what make Mumbai go round. Ever single day after that Friday, for the rest of my stay in Mumbai I would travel by the local train, and enjoying every moment of it!

But like they way: you can’t escape the bad things forever!! And neither could I. so it happened on an evening when I decided to go to the Siddhi Vinayak temple. I had to get off at the Dadar station. The train started from Church gate the same as always: filled adequately and not packed. But as the stations went by, the number of people just seemed to multiply. I had never travelled beyond Grant Road, so had never known that the major crowd pushes in at Mumbai Central. But luckily, even at Mumbai Central, the train though packed, was yet comfortable. So I asked a co-passenger how far Dadar was. He said he’d let me know. And so he did. But funnily enough, he kept insisting that I go to the exit even before the train had started slowing down. I of course, acting smarter than what my experiences warranted, told him that I was used to the trains and could manage my way out easily. But as it turns out, I was wrong (Check list item no.2: Listen to people who seem wise especially if you don’t know sh*t about the thing lest you shall have a bruised knee). As the train went for a halt I approached the exit and reached the door around 10 second before the stop. I stood there nicely waiting the train to stop fully as the others simply dived out of the moving train. “Fools!”, I thought. Well, we all know who got fooled in the end. Soon enough I was one of the only three waiting to get out only after a complete halt. And then what I saw outside made me realize who was the fool. I stood intimidated as dozens of people eyeballing the exit door which I was supposed to get out from with bulging lustful eyes, like a bunch of hyenas eyeing their helpless prey. I knew what I was seeing, but I somehow kept hoping and believing that all of them would be nice enough to let me get out before they attack the train for whatever treasure it is that they wanted. Alas, by this time I had simply grown used to being wrong about things in Bombay. But my realization was a lil too late. The grill that I was holding soon had one, two hands, three…a zillion hands on it unavailingly trying to get in all at the same time. Before I even realized it I was pushed back rather violently. But I was not to give up. I decided to retaliate. Wrong decision again (check list item no.3: never underestimate the power of the mob! Remember the story about the father who taught his sons the value of sticking together with the help of a bundle of sticks)! I somehow managed to dive out, only to land on what I think was someone’s face, while I bag limped helplessly behind me stuck between two rather well-fed uncles. The face-landing made me lose my balance and my knew hit the grill and got bruised (see!..check list item no.2). but now was not the time to give in. I had to save my bag. I pulled with all my might. Seriously dude, stop making these decisions (check list item no.4: are u kidding me? Pulling a bag carrying fragile stuff mercilessly while it is being guarded by three huge bellies.. who does that?) so I adopted an alternate plan. Actually I don’t know what it was. I just closed my eyes and did everything I could making full use of my limbs moving them in all possible directions. When I opened my eyes, the train had stopped, my bag (phew!..aww..ill never let you out of my sight!) was in my hand (looking molested), my knee was now avenging my behavior (how dare you bruise me like that.. now bear with the pain) and the people who had got in were giving me the victorious look of disgust (hah!..that ought to teach you!). But I was happy, overjoyed..i had come out..ALIVE!

And then there were the other experiences, like the one time when I dared to go all the way to Malad from Church gate and in the middle at Mumbai central, as I had been warned, the train was blessed with half the population of Mumbai. The compartment changed from a breezy space to a place when the only air you could possibly inhale had also been already used by a dozen others.

But all these experiences made me learn a lot. I emerged (literally as in the experiencing of getting out at Dadar) as a much stronger person. And at the end of the day, I enjoyed every moment I spent in these trains. Now, after spending 1 month in Mumbai, and 3 weeks travelling only by trains, I know why they say that “Mumbai local..Rocks!.” Cos it really does. The city cannot possibly function without them. And so today, I, with heartfelt joy, declare that Mumbai trains are the veins in which life flows through the city of dreams!

And more than that .. I will always remember Mumbai locals as an experience that brought my pampered bickering on the track!

Dreamsville!

Oh k..so i need to make this confession that i'm really bugged abhi (sitting in the office) so i need to do some TP..he he..it almost reminded me why i had created a blog!..

For those (if any) who liked the mumbai post and wud like to read further .. ull have to wait .. cos i have something else on my mind right now .. something which ive discussed with my friends lots of times .. something which im sure im not the only one thinking of .. something which has been on my mind ever since i was a kid! Yes, that something is my dream life (or rather lives as you'd see)

Remember those times when you were watching some movie or reading a book, or even just whiling away time watching TV or something and you come across this particular style of life that fascinated you so much that you just dream of having a life like that .. well, dont know about all f ya but i sure did have a big list of those lives .. being a big TV buff as i was (and am), I often had something or the other to watch or probably even read .. and i would often fantasize leading the lives as those characters (of course, being the self-0bsessed freak i am i always thought id make better use of it than these characters ever did .. he he) .. but the point is i dreamt .. of so many things!

as i grew up, i realized i wasnt the only one .. soon, there were days when me n my school gang would spend hours talking about these dream lives and what it would be to be in them ..
one more interesting thing was, my dream life seemed to change with my age .. i fantasied different stuff when i was a kid than what i do now (yep, i still am a dreamer).. so heres my list of the top..hmm..lets take 5 as f now.. lives to dream of

Shanks' top 5 lives: (ooh..sounds..umm...freaky actually):

5) and at number five this week we have the ever so wonderful dream life of shanks when he was a kid.. the life as a planeteer. For those who dont know what this is, its probably not even worth reading this post then.. as a kid i was a huge fan of this animation series known as Captain Planet, with those 5 planeteers ( i hope this is how its spelled) .. an honest confession: i had no interest in saving the planet or anything .. it was just a sheer fascination for those rings of the 5 elements .. i was always very confused about which ring i would take if ever given a chance .. my top priorities were always wind and heart, but i would have been happy with anything i guess!

why is it a dream life?.. like duh! ..how cool wud it be to have super powers at your tips (or knuckles in this case) .. somehow i always had a fascination for the supernatural (positive) life .. it would even make the occasional tiffys with the bad guys worth it .. and of course not to forget the feeling of being in control of something other than..well..yourself!

so there we have it..at number 5 the dream life of planeteers!

4) At number four we have...um..lets see... ooh..yeah... at number 4 we have the dream life of shanks when he was around 8-12 .. the life of a power ranger .. i know i know, even i find it funny now! .. but back then it was the best thing ever! .. i mean those funky costumes and marshal arts (wowa!).. luvd it .. see, this was due to the fact that any1 can take away your planeteer ring but no 1 can snatch your skills as a warrior! and there are added benefits in the form of cool gadgets (especially those watches)! plus you get to transform into that megasord (or whatever it was called..u know that big robot formed when all of the smaller robots used to join together) even for the whiniest of villains .. so it was good enough for me!

3) he he..umm.. we...oh k.. I used to live in the land of fantasy and magic till time happened and i grew up .. so naturally, the dream life now was more practical.. this must be when i was around the age of 10-15 .. i remember our summer vacations .. aah.. days at a stretch with nothing to do .. gosh! .. of course my favourite pass time was TV .. this ones also an animation but its a book also, a movie, everything possible .. it depicted the perfect simple life! .. nothing special about it, no glamour, no magic (well, ok .. probably there was magic but of a different sort) .. this was the life of the characters from the series Heidi. remember the simple life of the alps, with no hustle-bustle .. only the mountains, your luved ones, your goats (he he), that dog which was choooo adorable! (i wanted that dog soooo bad) .. and of course mother nature all around! In fact, it was this show because of which i developed a fascination for the mountains and in particular snow! .. ooh and not to forget the perfect meals they had (hot milk with bread n cheese..umm..maybe i wud have chosen butter) .. but i watched it everyday .. being more n more enticed by the hill life! .. it just cudn't get better!

2) and...at number 2 we have the dream life which continues to be a big fascination for me (and a LOT of my friends even till date, with a few modifications though).. yes, ALMOST topping the charts is the magical life at Hogwarts .. ahh, this has probably been one of my (and many others') favourite dream life .. i dont know where to start and where to end about this one .. its all soo good.. oh, but i never (and never ever ) wanted to be Harry though..i wud have preferred to be who i am but just in Hogwarts, it would have been so cool giving Hermionee a competition with the OWLs....!!.....sighh .. i remember when i had read the first book ever, it left me enchanted .. and from that very day i have had a fascination for this life, its been almost, gosh i dont even remember how long its been but i still fantasize it like the very first day, probably even more! .. with every book that came i craved more n more to be a part of the magical world! .. in fact i have no qualms in admitting that this has been the best dream life for me for quite some time and it is still is to a great extent .. oh k, question: then why the hell is it number 2 and not number 1? .. well, reality comes in! somehow over the years we all just got used to the fact that it ain't gonna happen! .. but still, Hogwarts has and would always remain ONE OF my best dream lives!

1) aannd.....(drums role)....topping the charts this time we have the evergreen saga, an epic...the epitome of friendship and probably every teenager's dream .. this has been my dream life soon after i grew up! yep, im talking about none other than the life of Friends. Be it Joe, Chandler, Phoebe, Rachel, Ross or Monica.. they've got it going! .. the thing that makes this life so desirable is the fact that its so real! .. easily relatable, the friends life is just what it takes to give you a kick in today's rat race world! who wudnt want to extend those fun moments with friends to a lifetime of masti! but of course, one big problem with this dream life was- it kinda promotes going away from your our family, and that is why id always want this life to be in my dream only, am not so sure if id want it for real!.. he he..

so there you have it..friends bags in the award for being shanks no.1 dream life!

****ahem ahem..and now here, at this point there's a surprise for every1..yes..now i shall disclose what is my actual, real, and probably the most craved for dream life.. honestly, all of the above do not even come close to how badly i'd like to have this last one..its so precious for me that i wudnt even want to give it a rank.. cos this is one is beyond compare!.. my BIGGEST, BestEST (he he) and actually the PERFECT LIFE is my own life when i was a Kid! :( ..they used to say growing up sucks.. don't know about every1 .. for me it doesnt suck, but it sure isnt nearly as gud as my childhood .. ahh .. those days of utter joblessness, no tension of career, no worries, no need to stay away from home doing stupid internships(highly situational)!!, spending hours doing silly stuff with your sibling, yet enjoying every moment of it.. doing nothing in particular on new year's eve yet getting the maximum satisfaction out of those hours spent on the roof on 31st night staring at the stars with a blanket wrapped around you! .. enjoying each holiday as if it is the first time you're ever celebrating it .. putting those diyas on the roof during diwali! .. those first times of everything! .. getting happy in the smallest of things .. spending those uneventful evenings with all four family members cuddled up under the same quilt (he he, which i always used to snatch away eventually) .. every single moment without fail feeling as though you're the most loved person on the planet (oh well, this one is still there so i shudn't complain) .. going to school to meet friends and spending hours talking and chit chatting about anything and everything .. sigh .. i cud on n on n on!..

i guess this has been the gift of age to me.. it is only once after i grew up that i realized how blessed my childhood has been .. all the above mentioned lives are at their place, but nothing i mean nothing compared to this one.. ive lived it for so many years and in all that time its only left me wanting more! .. i guess thats the biggest lesson life can ever teach us.. the lesson of learning how to luv what u have, becos ones its gone..ur just old! ;)

Mumbai-aaaaaaaaaahhh! Part 1: Home Alone

Hello everyone! (by every1 i mean the jobless few who have the time and patience to read MY blog, which is probably the most inactive blog ever made!)..so first of all, I'd like to thank all those who despite the extreme boredom find the strength to come n see if theres ne new post!..

So anyway...this post is about my recent adventure trip to....to...to.....wait for it.... MUMBAI!..adventure y?..ask those who know me...rotting all alone in a city larger than all the cities i've ever visited put together (exaggeration has always been my favourite) was nothing less than..lets say a footloose on the Himalayas!..won't say it was bad in toto, i mean i learnt a lot of things, one being that im fully capable to rudely pushing my way into a jam-packed local train!..i definitely had some great experiences..some life threatening (thanks to divi, i almost landed right at the centre of the THUNDER!)..some great laughs (ha ha...they'll come in due time)..etc. etc.

but the best part about the trip was me discovering myself....u know what they always say: you can't REALLY know someone unless you spend time with them all alone!...thats what this trip was all about for me- me n myself. Not that i had much of a choice!..

ok so this is how it starts...flashback!.......


May 4th 2008..i rush out of ma house saying the normal ta-tas n bye-byes while seeing my granma cry like i was going for war or something..when suddenly dad asks "u shud take some more money with u"..so we make a quick detour to the ATM..withdraw some cash..and god bless my dad for that cos had we never gone to the ATM, my parents wud have never asked me to hand over to them the ticket while i withdraw without which i never wud have realised i never brought the ticket..so we make a quick rush back home..get the ticket..see my grandma cry a bit more now that she had seen me return and was almost hopeful that i had decided to cancel the trip but was disappointed!....while i (like always) went on blaming mum n dad for not reminding me....i reach the airport (luckily on time)..do a lil time pass (oh k fine!..so maybe a lil before time)..and fly off to the MAYANAGRI!..the city no doubt looked like a dazzling dream from up there..lights all around..skyscrapers (remember the exaggeration?)..everything very welcoming!

well..that was a bang on start for me!..now a lil background here wud be very helpful about my accommodation plans..i was supposed to be putting at a certain Mr. X's place (name altered for secrecy..secrecy becos im gonna be doing some serius bitching about the place)..he has this lavish villa in our city with nice cars n all!..so i was full on in dream mode thinking that his house in mumbai wud be just as much luxury..as it turns out, i was quite wrong!..

so i get down from my flight...ahh...mumbai air (salty i tell u, even the air)..i am nicely under the impression that nothing cud possibly dampen my spirit and excitement..haha..
i take a cab (who i still think had robbed me..it cudnt possibly be 250)....tel him the address and recline nicely awaiting the dream house..the sight was indeed enticing..i sit mesmerized as gorgeous sub-urbs pass by..but funnily enough, they seemed to be getting worse!..hmm...suspicious...there were times when there were one or two umm rather formidable areas..but they wud always go away and bring back the beauties!..but this one time the taxi just stopped at one of those dingy areas where u really wudnt wanna get down out of fear! (ahem ahem..please remember, this was only my initial experience..as it turns out eventually..the people and the place were pretty gud)..and he says "aa gaya sahab"..that did it!..i cudnt recall having had something to eat for a long time but my throat still seemed to be choked with something..i think it was my heart!..so newase..i had to be strong...i get going...then comes the great dream house..a building that luked like the 1st ones ever to be erected by the BMC..i had only heard of such buildings and seen them on TV but never thot id stay in one..i tuk a deep breath and ascended the flight of stairs..ohk 3rd Floor..and there it was..the flat..i tuk the keys and cudnt open it for half an hour..aparantly, as it turned out, there was a special technique to open it (check list item no. 1: learn this technique lest sleep in the corridor)..i tuk one final breath and stepped in..and woah!..the flat seemed to be ending before it even started..yet again, my friends had told me about such compact apartments..but they sounded so much better in description..they kinda sounded cute..but this one surely wasnt!..the worst part was it had not been in use so had very less of the stuff we call homely..but Mr. X's son was nice enough to call me and drop by and luking at my terrified expression he offered me the other flat [for just a few days]..i dint hesitate for a second (its funny how in such situation we always tend to totally forget our manners)..but i dint care..this was the first time i was ever away from home-alone!..

the other flat was very warm, homely and welcoming..so that tuk care of the first night..but as days passed..a constant lurking fear descended on me: im gonna have to leave this apartment and go to that box soon....but that worry will have to wait!..as for that moment..i had bigger issues in my mind: my first day of office...(coming soon)

Heart to Heart!

This one is a real short piece i just randomly wrote this morning...its short but personally i like this one more than many others cos it conveys a lot!


When the heart is lonely, under the summer skies,
u want a soul, who stands by;
I know ur there, somewhere deep,
not known to me, but there indeed;
heart to heart come to me,
heart to heart i summon thee!