July 2006: You come to college happily and are bold enough to take a room right on the fourth floor (in case someone is missing the point, we are in India, that too Jodhpur, lifts haven't been invented for the city yet). You think it'll always be breezy and nice and you'd be able to see the sun rise every morning over the endless stretch of what I can at best call..umm..earth (sand sounds too bland). Not to forget that corner of our brains which somehow always makes us feel that if we are buying a house with a nice balcony, we'll sit there every morning to sip a cup of tea while the birds chirp their way back to their nests (The next thing you know is we are moving out and you can't really remember the last time or for that matter, ANY time when you sat there and sipped that supposed cup of tea). So well, optimism fills your heart with hopes of soft mornings and soothing evenings which you will spend by yourself in your balcony. Now it is important to mention here that these hopes are of course "to scale". I mean while with a normal balcony you'd imagine sitting down with your legs spread wide and occasional stretches, here the hopes could not further than being able to stand in the balcony without moving a muscle if you wanna save yourself from falling off considering the unbelievable size of the balcony (I'm bad with numbers so just imagine space not more than just enough to place two coolers). But still, whatever the size, you have hopes.
Three mornings later : You have exhausted all possible abuses you know, that can even remotely apply to birds (Go figure). Your earlier bird-loving self, who looked down upon bird hunters with rejection and disgust, is now reconsidering itself and is wondering which would be the best weapon to destroy the entire pigeon species in a single blow. (Reason you ask?) Well, nothing more than the fact that in your lovely balcony there are more pigeons than air molecules, and your good old alarm clock never gets an opportunity to wake you up considering that you could never sleep thanks to some serious bird porno going on (talk about being violent).
One week after that: You detest pigeons more than anything you've ever disliked. You come to the conclusion that all that you were taught in science in school was bullshit about how all creatures apart from humans and dolphins have a specific mating season and produce babies ONLY DURING THAT SEASON (I think the people who came to that conclusion never saw the pigeons of Jodhpur, because boy they can go on and on and on at it. I think the next big thing in science should be erectile dysfunction cure using biotechnology based on pigeon genes.. Forget Viagra!) So now, not only is your balcony absolutely infested with pigeons, but it also has numerous lil birdy homes!
Two weeks after that: Its the rainy season (You know what it means, lots of water in the balcony).Your nose has evolved into believing that rotten eggs smell good thanks to the constant pooping needs of the pigeons, which when mixed with water gives a smell which umm kinda gives you a high!
You have reached the abyss of your disgust!!
Some time after that: You can't get over the fact that your college life is flying by and so far the only ones who've sipped anything in your balcony while enjoying a soothing moment are the pigeons. You go about doing a survey as to what all are the possible remedies to make your balcony pigeon free. You get hopeful after seeing the nice mesh put up by the rich guy in the other hostel, only to find that it'll cost you nothing less than your entire month's expenses.
So you give up..you succumb to your fate and try to establish a cordial relation with the pigeons.
An year and a half after that: You realise that there is a war going on in your balcony. Pigeons and sparrows have declared an open war on each other and BOTH of them have their establishments in your balcony. You start missing the sounds of pigeon love making which were so much lower than the sounds of birds killing each other.
Some time after that: You finally decide that you can't take it anymore and something must be done. You turn to your very own magician who always has a solution for everything (Dad). You laugh at yourself to see that he came up with a cheap solution in not more than one day and you curse the entire genetic combination theory for the fact that you are clearly not an inheritor of his intelligence. So you come back to college, do a little market dash and buy a funky mesh which cost you nothing more than your two days food expenses. You gloat in adulation. Once the mesh is fixed, you finally get to see what your balcony actually looks like (hmm..I expected better but oh well!). People keep coming to your room and you are happily convinced that if ever there were an award for the best idea that'd go to you (what's my dad's is mine :P). Lots of people copy your idea and you realise what it feels to be on the seventh heaven.
All is going well till you go for a moot to Europe leaving your balcony totally unattended for 2-3 weeks. Only to come back and find that the mesh is doing a perfect job in keeping THINGS bigger in size than the mesh pores outside. But as you once again look around with a feeling of sheer genius over the idea, you see something which was never there in your balcony before. Aghast! you quickly lock the balcony swearing never to open it again by yourself. You share the dreadful sight with your floor-mate who nicely comes to the conclusion that this is what happens when you tamper with nature and act smart. He seems more happy with his decision of not putting a mesh than ever before.
The Present Day: March 2009: You of course are not regretting your decision to put the mesh. It still is the best thing that has happened to your balcony. You can't possibly forget the nights which you have slept peacefully without any disturbance thanks to the mesh. But one thing fails to escape your mind: What do I do of this freaking Bee Hive!
Three mornings later : You have exhausted all possible abuses you know, that can even remotely apply to birds (Go figure). Your earlier bird-loving self, who looked down upon bird hunters with rejection and disgust, is now reconsidering itself and is wondering which would be the best weapon to destroy the entire pigeon species in a single blow. (Reason you ask?) Well, nothing more than the fact that in your lovely balcony there are more pigeons than air molecules, and your good old alarm clock never gets an opportunity to wake you up considering that you could never sleep thanks to some serious bird porno going on (talk about being violent).
One week after that: You detest pigeons more than anything you've ever disliked. You come to the conclusion that all that you were taught in science in school was bullshit about how all creatures apart from humans and dolphins have a specific mating season and produce babies ONLY DURING THAT SEASON (I think the people who came to that conclusion never saw the pigeons of Jodhpur, because boy they can go on and on and on at it. I think the next big thing in science should be erectile dysfunction cure using biotechnology based on pigeon genes.. Forget Viagra!) So now, not only is your balcony absolutely infested with pigeons, but it also has numerous lil birdy homes!
Two weeks after that: Its the rainy season (You know what it means, lots of water in the balcony).Your nose has evolved into believing that rotten eggs smell good thanks to the constant pooping needs of the pigeons, which when mixed with water gives a smell which umm kinda gives you a high!
You have reached the abyss of your disgust!!
Some time after that: You can't get over the fact that your college life is flying by and so far the only ones who've sipped anything in your balcony while enjoying a soothing moment are the pigeons. You go about doing a survey as to what all are the possible remedies to make your balcony pigeon free. You get hopeful after seeing the nice mesh put up by the rich guy in the other hostel, only to find that it'll cost you nothing less than your entire month's expenses.
So you give up..you succumb to your fate and try to establish a cordial relation with the pigeons.
An year and a half after that: You realise that there is a war going on in your balcony. Pigeons and sparrows have declared an open war on each other and BOTH of them have their establishments in your balcony. You start missing the sounds of pigeon love making which were so much lower than the sounds of birds killing each other.
Some time after that: You finally decide that you can't take it anymore and something must be done. You turn to your very own magician who always has a solution for everything (Dad). You laugh at yourself to see that he came up with a cheap solution in not more than one day and you curse the entire genetic combination theory for the fact that you are clearly not an inheritor of his intelligence. So you come back to college, do a little market dash and buy a funky mesh which cost you nothing more than your two days food expenses. You gloat in adulation. Once the mesh is fixed, you finally get to see what your balcony actually looks like (hmm..I expected better but oh well!). People keep coming to your room and you are happily convinced that if ever there were an award for the best idea that'd go to you (what's my dad's is mine :P). Lots of people copy your idea and you realise what it feels to be on the seventh heaven.
All is going well till you go for a moot to Europe leaving your balcony totally unattended for 2-3 weeks. Only to come back and find that the mesh is doing a perfect job in keeping THINGS bigger in size than the mesh pores outside. But as you once again look around with a feeling of sheer genius over the idea, you see something which was never there in your balcony before. Aghast! you quickly lock the balcony swearing never to open it again by yourself. You share the dreadful sight with your floor-mate who nicely comes to the conclusion that this is what happens when you tamper with nature and act smart. He seems more happy with his decision of not putting a mesh than ever before.
The Present Day: March 2009: You of course are not regretting your decision to put the mesh. It still is the best thing that has happened to your balcony. You can't possibly forget the nights which you have slept peacefully without any disturbance thanks to the mesh. But one thing fails to escape your mind: What do I do of this freaking Bee Hive!
7 comments:
Hehehehehe funny u r :P dope
1) Bee hives come even without the mesh i had them had the mesh put afterwords (idea credit adhi's dad)
2) The guys sitting downstairs are happy to get rid of bee hives for u they just smoke it away
and i really could not agree more about the pigeons being totally the most useless creatures on the planet. I used to think that cockroaches were useless but at least they provide my dog with some exercise and us with some entertainment but pigeons have absolutely no purpose at all in life.... down with the pigeons
ha ha ha..this is by far the most amusing set of comments ever!
and kacky and Divi..dont grab every opporutniy of making fun idiots..you know what, now i seriusly wonder if people even read the posts before commenting...
and Divi just told me that there are spams in blogs also...gosh!.the last thing i want..oh k, that does it..I shud remove the words erectile dysfunction from the post!
dont do tht.. u agree the comments r fun na :P
theres a song out there called poisoning pigeons in the park,(http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/pigeons) I couldn't agree more with it. anyway has your balcony been attacked by rabid squirrels? now they are scary! and they eat up the cooler wires.
Well... something more than pesky pigeons, think about DUMB pigeons! I dunno but for the past coupla days i been having to deal with DUMB pigeons making their way into my balcony (through the bamboo chicks!!!) and not being able to find the same way they came in to get out!! And guess what, even when you stop before hurrying out for class (for which your already running late) to open one of the chicks for them to fly out, these dumb creatures just sit and look at you, as if your giving them a way out, cause you want to catch them and dont fly out!!! DUMB DUMB BIRDS!! Now, i know, the genesis of the term 'bird brains'!!!
Pigeons need to DIE - To stop existing once and for all.
Don't get me wrong, I love all living things - but pigeons give a whole new definition to the word 'disgusting'.
I spent a good part of my life in San Francisco, and I love the city with all my heart, but the pigeons DROVE. ME. INSANE (which is quite evident in this comment lol).
I'm glad someone feels the same way =).
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